Hey I'm just wondering how other mums delt with feeling guilty about having a second child. My daughters nearly 3 and we have recently had another baby (he's 8weeks) and ever since he's been born our daughter has been different. I feel she's unhappy and it makes me so sad.its hard cause im breastfeeding and i feel like hes always on me and shes missing out. I feel as if im grieving a relationship we once had. Its hard and I don't know how to make her feel good again . it really hurts and I feel so guilty . pleeeease give me some tips on what I can do.
5 Replies
I remember this after my 2nd, it was horrible :( it definitely felt like a grieving process, for the relationship I had with my first.
I didn't do anything specific to get over it, just time, but I did, and went on to have 3 more children and never felt that way again.
I've always said since then 1 to 2 is the hardest leap, once you get through that you can have a dozen more babies if you want and be just fine
It will pass, you will adjust, promise
Don't feel guilty!
Most kids go through a rough phase.
Imagine if your husband/partner brought home a new wife. Said "this is my new wife, she's going to live here with us, and you're going to like it".
How would you feel?
This is the same sort of feeling your daughter is going through. It won't last forever! soon they'll be the best of friends.
You also should make the most of the time when Bub is asleep.
Do some exciting things alone with her.
Get your partner to look after the baby for half an hour whilst you two go get milkshakes or something.
I found buying my son some exciting new DVDs helped. I got him to sit next to me whilst feeding, and we'd talk about the cool cartoon that was on.
Have you thought about things you can do together whilst you're feeding? Reading a story? Watching a movie?just little things you can do and play. The jump from 1-2 is the hardest. I hope you can figure out a way to juggle and so you can all be happy again.
My daughter was roughly 2 and a half when my son was born and she acted out. Was a right royal turd to be honest but I knew why! Suddenly going from starring role to sharing the leading role in Mum and Dad's life is a tough thing and takes some adjusting. Like others have suggested, get her involved and when you do have free time, devote as much as you can to her. Get Dad to take the bubba and you spend a hour or two, just the two of you, doing things you love and being awesome together My daughter is now four and my son two and they have a great bond. He adores her and she loves him. My daughter is naturally very demanding of attention-she will rule the world one day-so the roles are reversed now and I find my guilt is directed more at the fact that my second child doesn't get my attention as much anymore as he is older and my daughter demands so much of it but I don't feel guilty much anymore. I have happy kids, they adore each other and Mum does what she can do. You can only do the same lovely <3
You have a lot of advice on how to deal with the now, I just wanted to let you know that in 6-10 months time, your daughter will be getting excited by her baby brothers "tricks". Hand clapping, giggles, new words, crawling...then walking and talking and running and jumping. As they grow together they will fight at times but love each other so much and have a great little friendship. Watching my kids grow up together being little mates has been so special.
And to think it all started with my first child trying to get my sister to "take the baby" because he didn't want him anymore. ?