5yo behaviors
My daughter has always had a little temper but recently she is started acting out in rage. At first I thought it was a power struggle of her demanding to always get her own way. It could even well still be that. except now if she doesn't like or agree with what is being said, done or something else she will come up to me and yell in my face NOOO and then scream high pitch in my face. I have learnt to keep a poker face so she can't see my anxiety so because i don't react she then pinches, scratches, bites or punches me. I calmy explain this behavior is not acceptble and that she needs to stop. she refuses to stop or go to the naughty corner or her room. So I explain that her behavior is making me feel sad and that I am going to walk away to allow her to calm down. She completely loses it and I must admit It freaks me out alot. She doesn't act like this at all for my husband. I have never seen one outburst. she does however cry alot to manipulate his emotions. I lost it tonight and I feel terrible. we were in the shower and I was trying to condition her hair and she lashed out at me bit me on the shoulder and kicked me in the stomach "for putting bubbles in her eyes". I actually pulled her hair while the conditioner was in it and told her she was a nasty girl. she started screaming Daddy Daddy and he came rushing in and saw me and he automatically took her side telling me to get out leave. Afterwards once she was asleep he said to me. "No wonder she hurts you look how you are. I explained that I already felt bad and that I did lose it and I asked if he had asked her about what happened. He didn't need to he believes he saw it all. I am feeling v lost. I love my child and partner but I feel v pissed off that he has empowered her bad behavior. She didnt say goodnight because she didn't want to see me and he allows this. worried that it will escalate further. scared she will think this normal. Is she crazy? Am i crazy? Do we need family therepy. sad n bad mumma
Help me.please
Help me.please
Posted in:
Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids
6 Replies
I'd get family therapy
No she shouldnt be encouraged to go to bed with it unresolved. You should have gone in there and said good night.
But i have to say in a gentle way i think you could get some tools to help you handle this more positively.
poker faced while she screams or pinches, or a fight. kids cant cope with that. There must be a more productive technique. It will take time for things to change, youll need to be consistent when shes pushing you to break, but dont give up. Walk out before you lose it.
Honestly, I might get killed for this but I think you need to lose it more. Patiently telling her, poker face, no reaction, holy crap, you sound way too nice. You know when you really lose it with your kids, yell, have that face, it is very, very rare for me, but they know you mean business and they know they have pushed you to that point and back up. I have never hit my child, ever, but I think it's really good for them to see you angry, pissed off, that there is a point and they better not push you to it. I will add that my child is very well behaved, but I think having it in the back of their minds that you won't tolerate it, really gets you somewhere. Yelling all day, it loses it effects, but getting outraged every now and then at big stuff, I think it gives them that wake up call. I may be wrong, but it works for me. I feel like she needs to see how angry and pissed off her behaviour makes her, I feel like you really need to get tough. I would also have a stern word to your husband, he backs you or he walks the hell away.
I totally agree with this. She needs to come down harder. If my children hit me I'd flip.
I also think the fact that she called out to daddy when you pulled her into line for hurting you shows she know exactly where he stands and she has him wrapped around her finger. I would be furious if my husband treated me the way your husband just did. How dare he allow her to physically hurt you and get away with it. You need to be a united force or she will not change.
I see it as calling for help because she cant handle the situation with her mum. Her mum pulled her hair and called her nasty and she had bubbles in her eyes she wanted help. And if my partner did that we would be having words too, thats not discipline and not acceptable.
Yes i do think family therapy would benefit you all. You can't continue on this path where your daughter has the upper hand because your husband allows it with his behavior. You are a parenting team and he needs to back you. Not back you into a corner and make you feel like crap.