Sorry this is a long post.
So about 4 weeks ago my daughter who is in kindy came home and told me that a boy in her class that she is pretty close to had said to her "I have a Maltese penis do you want to see it" as far as I know she said no as she didn't say he showed her. He then had said "when we kissed(he kissed her on the lips in class a few months ago and I was told by the teacher that a boy had told him to kiss my daughter) my penis was spitting out something and I was peeing out blood". I spoke to the teacher who was as shocked as I was. The father of the boy has numerous times before been known to lose his shit over any situation with the school regarding his two boys, so most teachers and school staff don't want to deal with him. So in effect this child's father never received a phone call when it happened.
Fast forward to two days ago, my daughter came home upset that this boy has kicked her in the leg and said "I fucking hate you". I again spoke to the teacher. Over the past 4 weeks I have stewed on this issue of the boy asking my daughter did she want to see his penis. I myself was sexually assaulted about 10 years ago, so this hit a major nerve with me. I felt like I was a horrible parent and couldn't protect my child.
The boy in question, my husband and I were pretty friendly with his father and grandparents. They even gave my youngest a present for his birthday. So two days ago when I was told he kicked her, I sent the dad a message about what my daughter had said about his son kicking her and hoped we could get to the bottom of it. Thinking no harm done as we had many conversations about the kids and family life ect.
Well boy was I wrong. The next day I was given a dirty look and grunted at in a very disrespectful way when I said good morning to them. I was soo angry, upset and have been very conflicted due to the sexual incident 4 weeks prior, as it has played on my mind, brought up old horrible feelings, nightmares and made me question was I protecting my children enough. So stupid me messaged him to let him know ( not nicely) his child had asked my daughter did she want to see his penis and also had said that no one wants to approach him about anything his kids do as he reacts really badly and loses his shit.
I am feeling extremely saddened that I didn't take this incident further 4 weeks ago, I was pretty much warned off by the teacher and was told he would talk to the whole class about what is appropriate and what's not. But I just feel that his parent should have been notified about it straight away. Other parents are getting phone calls for their kids dropping the f bomb, so why should have this not been dealt with??? The last 4 weeks I have been extremely depressed, anxious, not sleeping and somewhat erratic as this has effected me soo much. This is a serious matter. Well for me it is. I guess what I am asking is, what do I do from here? Do I leave it alone? I have the feeling of injustice and a double standard. If this was older kids it would have been a big issue, but because the kids are 5 yrs old it seems to have been swept under the rug.
What do I do??
7 Replies
Let the teachers deal with the boy. If they dont then take it up with the principal. As for your daughter in the class pull the teacher aside and tell them your very worried the relationship between the 2 kids has soured and could they maybe seperate them as much as poss in class on thr mat toencourage your child to make new friends. Dont put the little boy down or the father just consentrate on explaining to the teachers you would like your child to broaden their friendship base. That way your getting the teachers to keep an eye on them, seperating as much as poss. I would even go to the point of requesting them not to be in the same class next yr make sure u make that request soon as schools are already working out classes for next year.
The teacher doesn't want to deal with the boy in fear of the backlash from the father. After the boy kissed my daughter a few months ago, they have been separated during class time but as he said he can't stop it happening on the playground, and that's where the last two incidents happened. I have requested they are not in the same class next year and always say to her everyday to play with the her other friends. I guess I am feeling that because I've been sexually assaulted that his father should have been told straight away. This wasn't a generalised comment. I felt this was directive and thank god it didn't go any further. What if this happened in a part of the school where there wasn't many kids around. My mind races with questions as to why it's not being taken more seriously. I am by no means putting either of them down, our family's were friends. I just feel that if a parent can be called about a child dropping the f bomb, why wasn't this issue delt with better than it was. I just can't seem to move past it. :(
Go see the principal, if you're still not happy with the outcome go to District Office. You should feel comfortable leaving your daughter in the care of the school. Some little boys are very proud of their penis and know that it gets a big reaction.
How do you know they haven't done anything about it? If it makes you feel better, they can't tell you what steps or action they have taken, but I am sure behind the scenes things are happening. They aren't going to string this kid up for a public flogging for all to see, you have done your bit by telling them, now let them do theirs. They are mandatory reporters also, so they can't sweep in under the rug.
The sexual stuff is completely normal in children at kinder age. I think you're being over the top about it to be honest. As long as they keep an eye on it and it stops.
With the kicking and swearing thats obviously not on but if a teacher didn't hear it all they can do is take your daughters word for it and watch the boy more carefully.
It's easy to go into super protective mode but it sounds like you are taking your own experience with sexual abuse and applying those thoughts and feelings here when in fact it is a completely different situation. Being that the kid's are 5 or 6 and sexual exploration is 100% very normal.
Please get some help for yourself about the sexual abuse - it sounds as if you arent coping.
As a teacher in a very rough school I can honestly say I have never heard of parents not being notified of incidents due to parents being volatile. Precautions are often taken ie another teacher present/principal/community services workers/police. Parents are always notified. Some parents are banned from school grounds due to their behaviour but they are still notified.
I think in this case the parents were notified. The teacher is just not discussing this with you.
I would also recommend in future that you never approach parents directly. No matter how friendly you are with someone when they hear something negative about their children they will always get their back up.
I would leave it for now kids make silly comments and I'm not saying your daughter is a liar but you don't know exactly what was said. Keep an eye on things and talk to the teacher regularly.
Farrrk no leave it no bloody way be the squeaky door I've had to many times I'm a single mum of 3 young boys and had to address parents about issues because the teachers don't. It's not what u say it's how u say it. Instead of texts I would actually talk to these parents face to face in a firm but polite way. So they know u know and let the teachers know it's not on that it was swept . Too hard basket sometimes ..so many times I've had to sort things at school and even though it's hard and I have not been popular I can tell u ..?sometimes u have to fight for your kids no matter what. And that's what u want them to remember. Good luck u can do it. ?