My 14yo son has been becoming increasingly violent, abusive, bullying (his 8yo bro particularly) and refuses to go to school. He is not a small child and well into puberty (5ft 5 and 80-90kg). He lies to his father and I (separated both re partnered), he steals (food when everyone's in bed, money, anything he wants). He was never like this. He won't listen to reason, will talk and open up and start being good then throws it back in your face. I can't believe a word be says anymore. It all started when court ordered visitation with his father began and he doesn't help at all only exacerbates things by letting him do what he wants when he is at his place. He started the not going to school crap and his father looked the other way and let him do it (immediately following separation) and now I am left to try and get this kid on track. Everyone has bent over backwards to help him but are no longer willing to help due to extremely violent outbursts (physical assaulted my dad, threatened family members with a knife, threatened to wrap a length of chain round my head). I've taken him to counselling... 1 week later it's back to normal. Ive called the police more than once, I'm at my wits end with what to do with him anymore. I want my son back and worry that he is becoming a psychological abuser like his dad. I'm ready to pack him up and send him off to school on the other side of the country it's that bad. IM family.... What would you do? NB: I don't lie to the school I tell them he's too lazy to get out of bed or is refusing to come. He also deliberately gets himself suspended then won't get up when we have to go in for a re entry interview. It's been 8 days today since he was supposed to go back from being suspended. Tonight I told him to get his school things together - he told me they were wet in the machine... They were thrown under clothes in the closet. He then told me to get the f out of his f ing room b.... This kind of language is becoming all too familiar also.
14yo DS won't go to school, is abusive and threatens me
14yo DS won't go to school, is abusive and threatens me
Posted in:
Mental Health, Education, Behaviour, Teenagers
6 Replies
I would seek help from a psychologist or even a psychiatrist. Yeah he may be being a shit, but he also could have a mental illness that isn't being treated.
He needs help. He is either hurting so deeply inside that he's using aggression and violence to mask it; or he's mentally ill or perhaps even using drugs. Either way, he needs psychological intervention as well as a supportive home environment. Go to the school, seek help for him and for you as it won't be easy. But sending him away will only compound the issue.
How incredibly rough. I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this.
Have you tried an alternate education program? In SA there's a program called Flo designed for kids with poor attendance records and/or disruptive behaviours. The teachers are used to engaging with kids who need flexibility.. It educates and trains kids on their level with the things that they are interested in. I believe it's also done on a flexible hours basis. It might be worth looking for something like that in your state?
Jeepers :) this sound heartbreaking for you. With the school issue I am wondering if he would be interested in an apprenticeship? (I generally believe finishing school is best but in your situation it's worth considering alternatives) at least with an apprenticeship he will be working towards a qualification plus he will be in the workforce, being given responsibility and being treated like an adult (if he acts like one). Obviously if he doesn't want to do it then he's not going to but might be worth considering?
I say he is not lazy, something is happening to make him do this. You are much better being on his side and trying to win the poor boy over. He is obviously hurting and needs guidance. I know because I had a son in very nearly the same situation. I decided to pull him out and home school him as school was obviously causing him great distress. He is such a happy kid now and even though he will need to go to Tafe and get his high school cert by doing different courses next year (he will be 18 then) you can also look into doing school of the air or other things.
Send me a PM if you need some links, better to be on his side than against him. You are doing a great job by reaching out. I hope you find some solutions in these comments
Oh mumma I have totally been there!!! Was bullied and abused by my son (same as you remarried and he has a different father) from 14-15.5 was called pathetic, a bitch, useless.. He pushed me to the ground whilst pregnant, manipulated me, played me off his step dad and real father. I lived in fear and hell for a year and a half, no amount of conversation or reasoning helped.. Might be slightly different to you here but I packed the whole family up and moved state to be closer to my family, he hated me even more. Then - (and the reason I put this as anonymous is to avoid the judgemental haters ) I put him on 20mg antidepressants as recommended by our Dr. He has since done a complete 360 turnaround and back to him self!!! Next month we can look at reducing the dosage or going off completely!!! He is himself again and I thank the meds as he had depression