Today my baby is 2 weeks old. I have been struggling to breastfeed since day one. I have a 4 yr old who is healthy, happy, smart, and tall who i didn't breastfeed, only formula, and she turned out awesome without breastmilk. I want to quit breastfeeding for my sanity and give baby the same formula that my 4 yr old had but i am feeling guilty about taking the easy way out. I have a pump but I'm just done with messing with my boobs and not having my body to myself again. Now im told to limit my vegetable intake for babys gassiness, and I'm supposed to take an antidepressant but i worry it will affect baby, and i want to have a freaking cocktail without feeling guilty that im messing everything up.
I keep trying to breastfeed but even after nursing for almost an hour, both sides, i still need to supplement and baby will drink another 2 oz.
I'm tired. I just need advice on which path to take. I don't like breastfeeding in public either, not that i mind others that do, its admirable, but i don't like getting my boob out in public.
I guess i just need reassurance that its ok to switch to formula...
I think i want to stop breastfeeding
I think i want to stop breastfeeding
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Baby & Toddler
30 Replies
You do what is best for YOU and your bub. If thats bottle feeding than bottle feed. Stuff what anyone else thinks and says you are this childs mother. Good luck mumma.
No one tells you how exhausting and draining breastfeeding can be. Well done on managing two weeks! You do what works for you lovely mum x
Ita ok to switch. You might want to ditch the pump, breastfeed when your boobs are full and give formula other times.
I gave formula in the day, ans breastfed at night. Be ware your milk will probably drop more if youre not pushing it, but if youre ok with that, do what works for you.
Well done so far, two weeks is an amazing achievement - its not easy. And formula is not the easy way out, the fact its such a hard decision proves that!
Just to let you know, I'm a dietitian and there really isn't that much evidence to suggest maternal vegetable intake can cause gassiness. Common misconception. Usually result of an immature gut and generally improved by the 3 month mark. Best wishes on your decision xx
Just do it, as long as you're feeding your baby you're doing great. Breast/bottle, doesn't matter. I couldn't breastfeed, I tried so hard but my milk was no good and my son was losing weight rapidly so after 3 weeks onto formula he went. He's 19 this year and the healthiest kid I know.
I'm gonna go against the grain here and say stick it out. Trust me it's easier to breastfeed than bottle feed once you get past the hard part. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE struggles to breastfeed at the start. The cracked nipples, the feeding for an hour literally every hour and a half. It's NORMAL. You're not having a "problem" with breastfeeding. That's just what it's like for the first few weeks. Try to push through, breastfeeding is the best thing I've ever done. It's SO convenient!
If your baby is still gaining you might not have to supplement at all. A lot of people think their baby isn't getting enough because they're feeding non stop and crying. But that's literally every breastfed baby pretty much.
The biggest factor of whether someone will breastfeed is having support to push through. That's honestly basically it (bar having serious issues with breastfeeding which is actually uncommon). The more you supplement the more difficult breastfeeding will become. Babies sleep more with formula not because they are finally getting what they need, but because babies tummys are not made to break down formula. They tummy is working so hard to break this forgein stuff down its using all their energy.
In saying all of this, if you REALLY want to switch to formula that's your choice. With a 2 week old baby I'm sure you're feeling overwhelmed and think that will make your life easier for now. Which it will in the short term. I'm sure you're going to do whatever you feel is best anyway. I feel very strongly about breastfeeding and how amazing it is for baby and also how amazing and proud you feel when you push through the hard times :)
Just so you know there are a lot of antidepressants to take fine when breastfeeding. And also you can have a cocktail when you want and breastfeed the next day. The amount of alcohol that goes to breastmilk is eff all. They say that your milk has the same amount of alcohol as your blood at the time. So even if you're .08 (over the driving limit) your milk would be the same and orange juice is something like .09 so pretty much nothing gets to baby. Don't let that affect your decision
It's totally ok to stop breastfeeding. Do what you feel comfortable with.
Breastfeeding isn't for everyone, and your sanity is more important
Nobody can tell you its normal and everybody suffers the same ans just push through, like everybody else has. Thats just not true. Only you make thw decision ans only you know what you can bare and what works for you.
https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bf-info/safe-when-breastfeeding/alcohol...
This is some useful info re alcohol and breastfeeding - your blood alcohol reading will be same as bubs if you breastfeed within a few hours of alcohol consumption, but you can plan accordingly if you want a night out :) best wishes with your decision
This article says blood alcohol will be the same as breast milk levels. Which is minuscule. The average beer contains 6% alcohol. When you are extremely drunk your milk levels would only ever be .2% which you would never feed your baby then. If you had two cocktails your blood alcohol would be for sure under .1% so the baby would be getting milk at say 0.09% which is the same as orange juice! You wouldn't think twice about feeding a 6 month old orange juice (except for sugar content).
I'm a dietitian. I'm not sure where you get that orange juice has an alcohol content - it doesn't. If your blood alcohol reading is 0.05 and you feed within an hour then your bubs reading will also be the similar. Have a chat to your doctor if you are unsure about this. It is damaging for a baby to be having a blood alcohol reading of any level - hence the ABA recommendation. This is the recommendation we use in clinical dietetic practice. Not sure where you got your info from. I was simply helping this mum understand she can drink alcohol safely with planning. If she doesn't want to bf that's also perfectly fine too.
I just did an online estimate for blood alcohol reading. 30 yr old female of average height and weight, consumes 2 cocktails over 2 hrs. Cocktails containing 3 standard shots. Blood alcohol estimate of 0.16 which is 3 times the legal limit, in Australia, clearing in over 12 hrs completely from maternal blood and hence, as alcohol passes freely from blood to breastmilk, from the breastmilk. Obviously lots of other factors may increase reading eg. Food intake.
How did you get your calc on 0.1 from having 2 cocktails? Are you in Australia? Do you mean 0.10 BAC? Also how did you then convert to how much the baby would be getting? Do you have a validated tool? I'm fairly sure orange juice does not contain alcohol unless it has had something happen to start a fermentation process eg. Sitting out in the sun for a while, or having bacteria in it that ferments. Thanks.
I also don't understand how you say that baby would be getting 0.09 if your blood alcohol is 0.1, which is the same as orange juice. It seems you are trying to say that orange juice has a blood alcohol reading whereas it looks like you are confusing it with an alcohol content percentage of the drink (say for arguments sake orange juice had a less than one percent alcohol content). What you are saying doesn't make sense. It would be harmful to assume a maternal blood alcohol reading of 0.1 is the equivalent of baby having orange juice.
http://evolutionaryparenting.com/guest-post-breastfeeding-and-alcohol-co...
Apologies - this article is actually quite good. However, I think where the problem lies is that you are saying a blood reading of 0.08 (not percent by the way), is about the same as that of orange juice. Orange juice does not have a blood alcohol reading. It has an alcohol percentage (questionably) of less than 1 percent. Blood alcohol reading eg 0.09 is a totally different reading to alcohol content of a beverage of 0.09 percent. They are two different units entirely. And the amount that crosses through breastmilk varies largely with many factors, hence the cautious recommendation to limit alcohol from health bodies.
I am by no means advocating breastfeeding when absolutely drunk. I said that already. But a few drinks is okay!
But breastfeeding isn't easy for anybody. That's all I was saying.
If she wants to stop and go to formula then all power to her. Just think she needs to know it's not at all unusual to struggle a lot with it in the beginning. Some people need more support to belive in themselves. It's like anything that's hard people need support and encouragement to push through the tough and come out the other side.
If someone was running a marathon and wanted to stop because they were exhausted, of course people would encourage them to push through and keep going. It doesn't mean that they would think badly of them if they pulled out of the race! You'd be proud they tried and came that far and know they did what was best for them to stop running. Doesn't mean you can't try to help them push through for their own benefit.
I'm not bashing the op for thinking of stopping. It's a valid decision if she thinks it's what's best. I just think she needs support through this tough time because to keep breastfeeding is an amazing achievement.
Yeah im a bit sensitive as someone who had to listen to a bf nutty outspoken twat on social media back when i was struggling. Its insulting to tell someone you don't know that its normal if they push through it will be ok. Basically saying they must be weaker and a quitter.
But i agree support to continue is needed if they want that and if its working. My midwife suggested i try for one week. And always free to change my mind if its not working. I did try for one day and knew it wasn't what i wanted to do i was bloody miserable at the sight of the pump. But mum needs to make the call. She will be supported either way.
I definitely didn't mean for it to sound like she would be weaker or a quitter if she went to formula. I'm truly sorry if you or OP thought that's what I was saying. I honestly, truly, just know when I had a rough time in the first 4 weeks that my sister pushing me to keep going and telling me that I could do it and that it's normal really helped me get past it and actually really enjoy breastfeeding.
Truly sorry if anyone was offended by my pro bf stance.
Not sure if you needed to call me a bf nutty twat. :/
People seem to get very defensive when someone is pro breastfeeding. I don't understand it. It's like if someone is pro breastfeeding or encouraging someone to breastfeed that they think lesser of women who don't. Which isn't true at all. Seems like the defensiveness is coming from themselves at feeling like they've failed rather than anyone else thinking it. Trying to make sure everyone knows they are just as good as bf mums. It comes from themselves taking offence. Because I can tell you right now I do not think bf mums are better than formula feeding mums. There's a heck of a lot more work and effort in formula feeding so it clearly shows they love their baby a lot and want to do what's best for their baby and are willing to do anything for them. Me breastfeeding is actually partly selfish on my part because I don't want to have to make bottles and sterilise. So I'm half advocating for laziness lol
No youre not a nut, but this one i encountered definitely was. And she just kept going with it regardless of being asked not to even comment. Definitely not you!
Actually youve shown so much love and support in your beautiful caring reply, thank you x
And to the other post although i dont want to continue this on. I dont think calling hurt women defensive helps. Try understanding maybe.
Congratulations on your new little bundle :)
Yes, the first little while is hard, regardless of whether bubs is breastfed or bottle-fed.
No, you shouldn't feel guilty if giving bottles to bubs makes both of your lives easier. Less stress for both Mum and Bubs is best.
My first child I was like you. Every feed took an hour plus a top up with formula. I persevered for 5 weeks, only because I knew no different and I was exhausted and not thinking straight. I tried expressing my milk which turned out to be much easier way (my son just couldn't / didn't want to take to the breast) I was down to 10 minute feed plus 10 minutes to express the next feed (I was super lucky with the way my milk came out).
My second came along and she took to the breast immediately and just knew what to do. She didn't like bottles and I could not express like I had for my first (I actually had to work so much harder to express with my second which I thought was weird). It is challenging being the only food source for your child.
Stay strong Mumma, you are doing a fantastic job! Goodluck with your decision.
Oh Hun, you need to do what is right for you. If you don't want to breast feed that's your choice. There are so many benefits to breastfeed, I struggled so much I made it to six weeks and had to stop with my first. No one tells you that babies that are breast fed may not grow as quickly as others. My health nurse stressed me out so much with my third that I was supplement feeding her and didn't tell her, threatened to put my baby in hospital and alert social services because she was gaining so slowly, I was so keen to breast feed to. In the end I switched to bottles saw her for 2 more weeks and only ever went back to get her needles done and only ever saw my doctor for things that concerned her after that. I still avoid that particular health nurse even after 3 years. Your baby is only 2 weeks old. Cocktails will be there forever once your baby stops feeding from you, I know it's nice to have one. If you want you can always pump and dump and give her a bottle for that particular feed. So many options. My sister has just breastfed twins for a whole year and now only breastfeed at night, she didn't make it past 6weeks with her other 4. Just do you, no one can make the decision or make the decision easier it lies soley on you!
You poor thing! What a horrible old nurse. I hope you are okay. So unprofessional.
I'm ok now. I'm totally stressing about when I eventually go back for number 4. I'll have a super supportive daddy by my side, I know which health nurse I want and which one I'll be avoiding (I'm not sure I can request a certain one though) but all in all I've gained so much information from all my new mummy friends that when the next one comes along I won't be letting anyone pressure me into something I don't want to do.
The first few weeks of breastfeeding are SO hard. It takes AGES, it isn't comfortable and it's exhausting.
I found it improved immensely around the 6 week mark when my supply settled and bub started to get more efficient at feeding but that's not the case for everyone. There are perfectly safe antidepressants to take during breastfeeding and I would encourage you to seek those out (regardless of whether you continue) and also look into seeing someone to talk to when everything settles down.
At the end of the day, FED is best and a mother's mental health is FAR more important than breast or bottle because a happy, healthy mum is far more able to take good care of her children. Make the decision that feels right.
Thank you! I do like the "fed is best" stance. I am in limbo currently, just making sure baby is satisfied. Im so grateful for all this positive feedback.
We all want the best outcome for bub AND Mum. Just do it honey!