How do I change how I feel?
Hubby and I spent 7yrs TTC through ivf clinic, 11 angel babies and 2 kids
Our youngest is now 2 and definately no more BUT my big problem is I have zero sex drive. Before TTC and first few years I had a great one. But after years of being told when to have and not have sex by drs etc it seems sex has become a chore for me.
It's really affecting my marriage. We are so happy and in love still but it's becoming a problem cause I just have no interest. I can't remember the last time I was horny or wanted it.
Help me! How do I move forward??
4 Replies
Have you received any counselling for what you went through? I could imagine a good cry and vent to someone to get it all out would be a weight lifted. I find I can't feel like sex when I'm emotionally not well.
Add on to that the hormonal treatments you would have received.
When was the last time you really went out and let off steam?? What did you used to do to let your hair down prior to kids? For me it's going to a pub having a few drinks with friends and just really having a laugh, maybe hitting the dance floor. I'm always very horny after letting off steam.
The more you "make yourself" have sex, the more it becomes enjoyable and the more you want it.
I don't agree with this . I've been through periods of making myself do it and I did not enjoy it one bit and I got sick of faking it . It was not enjoyable and just became depressing .
If you feel like it's a chore there's probably more to it . I'd talk to a homeopath maybe as your body may need to readjust after having so many hormones in your body . If you really feel like it's your mindset maybe you need to spice it up a bit ? Make changes to the way you guys do it ? Try some new positions , maybe try some crazy out there ones that make you laugh ? Try a sex toy ? If you haven't before then start with a small vibrator on you during intercourse (it's a great mind distraction and intense pleasure ;) ) try being spontaneous ? The other day my hubby aNd I hid in the laundry and had a quick neither of us 'finished ' before the kids came looking for us but the risk of getting caught and cheeky feeling of it was fun and play ful !
When the kids are asleep give him a head job without him asking for it? Stay out of the bedroom to add a bit of different and see if it leads to more ? Seriously it's all about pleasure for him and that's fun to see right ? But a bit of different might help you get interested !
Sometimes the thought of 'having to do it can make it feel like a chore ' but deciding to 'choose to do it' can make it easier and better ;) good luck !
Please go easy on yourself ! Firstly you have a 2yo and another child so your tired ! Did you or do you breast feed ? Because that can affect your sex drive ! Have you considered all the hormones your body has endured and may need to adjust back from ? All these things can affect your 'want' to do it .
I'm a mum of 3 and feeling 'horney ' is sooooo rare ! I'm too tired haha but we still have sex 2- 4 times a week and that's mainly because hubby knows he has to instigate and foreplay is needed for me to get in the mood ... he understands this and is willing to put in the effort or it won't happen .
We had a discussion some time ago about me just not feeling horney that it wasn't him just that I'm tired etc etc and since then our sex life improved ten fold because he realized with effort not only can he get me interested but we both manage to climax every time (who knew ;) )
I think to change mindset though you need to focus on the pleasure side of sex . Is there a couple of positions you used to enjoy the best ? Or one that triggers some pleasure ? Ask him to focus on doing these a few times ? If you don't know of any maybe experiment a bit with some new ones and find some pleasure spots ? Really focus on your climax for a few sessions ? What gets you and what really doesn't ?