A few months ago I left my partner. We have a child together who is turning 2 this month. When we all lived together she was a great sleeper and 90% of the time she was in her cot.
I've just moved in to a tiny 1 bedroom apartment with no room for her cot. She now sleeps with me. The problem I have is that she won't sleep unless I go to bed with her. I am studying as well so sometimes need to stay up late and even though she's tired She still won't sleep. I've tried putting her in bed & closing the door but she screams and works herself up Andy vomits everywhere. I've bought a night light, light up teddy & lulla doll. If I go to bed with her and try to get up she instantly wakes up. I don't know what else to do anymore. She doesn't wake during the night unless I get up to go toilet and she will wake up & follow me. Even in the morning I try to get up early and she wakes as soon as my foot hits the floor.
I'm at my wits end. I have zero time for myself! She will stay up until midnight sometimes when I have to force myself to go to bed even though I should be doing assignments ect
How do I get my child to go to bed without me
How do I get my child to go to bed without me
Posted in:
Baby & Toddler, Kids
12 Replies
What happens if you put her back in the cot? When I was in a similar position I gave my son the bedroom and I slept on the sofa bed.
I'd experiment by squishing the cot in anywhere you can,not just might be too many changes at once
There is no room for a cot otherwise she would be in it. I don't want to sleep on the couch as I have a bed...
Even if I did want to sleep on the couch my problem is that she won't go to bed without me
You could try a bed on the floor near you. I had to do it the hard way i was also studying and just didnt have the time. So i said goodnight for fifteen minutes then kiss and walk out close the door. Try so hard not to go in and it will become a grumble and then asleep within a few minutes. Its hard to do but sometimes you just have to.
Awww the poor girl is so confused with the breakup of her parents. Her daddy has left and she is terrified of her mummy leaving too. My heart breaks for her.
I understand your frustration, I really do, I have to go to bed at 7pm every night and just lay there with my kid until I fall asleep at about 930. Otherwise he does not stay asleep.
But please try to just be patient with her. The more you try to leave her the more she will become anxious about you abandoning her. If you just try to perhaps do some study in bed while she sleeps and not leave her side for a while she might become more confident that you'll always be there. She's still little :(
People are so quick to jump on the "leave them they will learn" band wagon. For the sanity of the parents. I personally don't think a few months of going to bed early and putting other things on hold is such a sacrifice for the child you love? It honestly baffles me how inconvenient people see their kids as. (Not saying you OP, just in general with a lot of people)
Sometimes there literally isnt enough hours. Sitting with a child for three hours means going to bed yourself at 3am. A healthy mother is best. I was advised how to leave her by the psychologist. And pretty soon she slept well and I got on top of things and relaxed too. Not to mention graduating and now being able to give us everything we need.
It was really hard and its great if you don't have to, but sometimes it is best to. I was also a newly separated single mum no support workings studying, and sitting with her late at night just wasn't the best thing for us.
I'm glad it worked for you and your daughter. I guess we will just have to agree to disagree on this one.
We sure will. If i had not experienced it i wouldnt comment. Especially not with an opinion on how i guess it will negatively affect the child (not true) and how i might judge parents who dont sit by their kids bedside for hours badly.
Oh plssss...laying every night with your child for 2 1/2 hours and anyone who doesn't sees their kids as an inconvenience, how ridiculous! You aren't doing your child any favours, self soothing, regulating their own emotions, building resilience, it is all important! You don't say how old the child is but I can tell you this, kids are blank slates and we teach them bad habits I.e. I can't sleep without mummy next to me and the longer you do it, the harder it will be to break the habit. To the op, look at gentle ways to help her learn, lay there 15 minutes, tell her in advance you are going to leave, go in if she is really upset, you know her best, it is just a habit you need to break. Don't feel guilty, you've got this.
It's been going on since April this year. So nearly 6 months. It can't keep going on. I would love to sit and study in bed but she lays on top of me. We have a double bed and I may as well have a single lol. I Am with her 24/7 except when she's at daycare. I need some time to myself. I think I'm going to start seriously working on this at the end of the week so at least she'll be tired from daycare. Fingers crossed for me
My days are full on, single mum plus work and that time at night on my own helps me recharge my batteries, it's a life saver. Don't feel guilty, we all need down time. I think you are better off not doing it on daycare days when she is tired, then she could be over tired and go psycho ? but you know her best, be strong, be firm and good luck with your studies too xxx
Just decide what youll do and be consistent. All the best
Putting her to bed wont make her worry youre leaving. What ahe wants right now is to know theres an adult in charge who sets boundaries and she can rely on to be the boss and handle things. That will make her secure.
Putting her in charge will surely rock her sense of stability.
Dont defer your studies. You probably need the distraction direction and accomplishment right now.
Youre doing great by your daughter
Well said, I truly hope the op takes this advice, so many valid points.