I'm not very out going. I'm really shy and have really struggled to make friends in my adulthood. Its been really crap to be perfectly honest, and I've spent a lot of time crying to my husband over the years about it because life gets pretty lonely with only your husband as your friend (even though he is a damned good one!)
I know that its my fault because its really hard for me to put myself out there, so generally I go unnoticed by people.
I started my child at a new school this year for various reasons and shes doing really well! I'm really happy with the decision to send her to this school. What was also so great was a group of mums from the school started inviting me and a couple of other, new to the school mums, along to things. We went out for lunch quite a bit and went to child related activities in our suburb.
They were all really lovely and I really enjoyed spending time with them. I felt more confident and outgoing, probably because I was joining in social things, and I feel so stupid saying this, but I guess being included gave me confidence and I felt good about myself.
But then they stopped including me. The other new mums are still included and they have all became really close, but they leave me out now whenever they plan something and I always see it on facebook. I'm not sure what I did but the exclusion is pretty loud and clear and it really hurts.
I still get friendly hellos at school pick up and drop off but thats it...and now it just feels fake and makes me feel miserable because I don't know what it is about myself that meant I didn't "make the cut".
How do you make adult friends? Can anyone share some light on what I'm doing wrong? Or why have you excluded someone from a school mum group?
4 Replies
It may be unintentional. You may have dropped off a mailing list (email or FB) and they thought you just didn't participate and they might think you're not interested... it is so easy to get the wrong impression (on both sides). Why don't you ring the mum you had got closest too and ask her - either to the side at drop off time or over a coffee. Keep it positive - how's it going, seen a few great activities on FB, would love to come along, really enjoyed getting to know you all. You may like to reveal you are shy and you have appreciated her including you in the past. Put on your new confident face and see where it goes. Good luck
Its more that one of them will tag the whole group (including the other new mums) on a facebook post about an event coming up in our area and not include me. This hasn't happened once, its been quite a few times and its a few of them who have done it. We are all friends on facebook so of course it comes up in my newsfeed each time.
I really hope its simply a misunderstanding because its making me feel really crappy.
I'll try what you have suggested. Thanks for your insight.
I agree with the above poster. Maybe you could take the initiative and organise a play date or outing and invite those same mums from school. Don't give up. It may just be a misunderstanding.
I could have written this myself, I was making friends with the mums when my daughter started school, I was quiet out going but I'm not so much anymore after my third child I don't know why but I have completely shut down from wanting friends, but anyway my daughter was in preschool 2014 and all the mummies were lovely but now they have all moved away and I made friends from my daughters transition class last year and I was most close with 2 other mummies and we used to go out to breakfast go to play gyms and everything but I noticed this year that they have stopped inviting me and they both catch up all the time, they don't ignore me when I see them at the school they are friendly, I don't have a license so I was wondering if it had something to do with that or because my daughter isn't in their kids classes this year or all these other reasons went through my head, I was feeling unwanted and alone and like yourself I would cry to my husband about it especially because my best friend has moved away to a different state but she comes to visit me and we still talk every day, but making friends with mummies at the school is too much hard work for me I have a few friends I just don't really catch up with them, but any way the two I was friends with I was setting up a movie night at the movies and they all said yeah we will go but all of a sudden they were making out they couldn't go so I cancelled but then I saw a post on fb they went ahead and went to the movies without me I was shattered and from then I have been ruined not wanting to make friends I have been trying to tell myself it wasn't a personal attack on me but I still can't get over what they did to me. But now I just don't care I have stopped going over and over in my head wondering what I did wrong and now I just don't try I just say hello at the school to all the mummies drop my daughter off and head home, some people may say in the Comments that you didn't make effort and should of invited them to places but hunny don't listen to that because I know what it is like to be shy and not want to make the plans, true friends are the ones that understand you and your shyness and won't exclude you just because your shy, no your not doing anything wrong Hun, keep your chin up you can still make friends but if you feel like the third wheel or not wanted don't bother with them and just meet other mummies, I only have a few friends and I will like to keep it that way less drama lol, good luck and I hope you find a nice friend that treats you like she cares, true friends are out there they are just rare xx