OK mum's Xmas time is coming.
My SIL decides to ask if it's at her place or my parents this year. I asked for it too be at my parents and was shot down. That's totally fine. Mum doesn't want to host it. But she knows I won't go to their place.
I don't get along with my SIL she is a nasty 2 faced bitch. She talks about me behind my back. She says nasty shit about my kids. She allows her kids to be flat out disrespectful towards me. Never pulls them up and if I say something she will apparently "punch my fucking head in" so I can't win. Her kids bully my kids. Name call them, tell them they're fat and ugly. Break my kids toys or destroy their trampoline or swing set. All these things go unpunished.
She will flat out deny her kids done it. She is a fucking bitch.
So anyway, my brother was at my parents this morning and they were talking about it and I said to them "I won't be cominh" to which he replies "that's good, that's exactly what we hoped for." to me that's straight up nasty. He said it in front of my parents and they said nothing.
In my opinion they've done this deliberately. Have it at their place knowing I won't show up so their kids can have all nanny and poppy's attention. Mind you my other siblings will be there with their kids but they find my kids the most competition. I'm over it. They can say nasty shit about me and my kids and allow their kids to be nasty and rude towards me and my kids but they don't like anything being said to their kids about being rude or nasty. I'm also pissed my parents said nothing about his fuckwit response. I'm feeling like such an outcast. I'm feeling lost and lonely. I mean it's Xmas and it seems my parents don't even care if I'm there or not. I've told hubby we will do Xmas morning then pack the car and not come back for a few days. Say nothing to no one and just leave. I'm so close to tears it's not even funny.
16 Replies
You poor thing, nothing worse than having a shitty relationship with a SIL! I know this from experience, I don't get along with my husbands brothers fiancé. And like yours she constantly lies , judges , and competes and compares her kids to mine. It was a very uncalled comment made from your brother he shouldn't of made u feel like you wernt welcome, I actually really love your idea though of spending Xmas morning with ur husband and kids then taking off for few days. Do up a nice Chrissy breakfast unwrap pressies etc and have everything else packed ready to go and go on a nice family adventure, fuck everybody else, Xmas after all is about spending the day with loved ones and a happy joyful Occassion and having it with just your little family might do you some good , you won't have to deal with family members that don't appreciate you and realistically SIL is just setting you up for a unhappy Occassion , don't satisfy her by giving a shit , do your own thing with your family and enjoy it :) all the best lovely
It's time to make your own family, and your own traditions. I've spent a few Christmases just me and my son on our own and they have been our favourite Christmases.
It's ok to grieve that your family is shit! But then dust yourself off and have a beautiful Christmas at your home. I actually find the not driving places delightful and far more enjoyable. The kids can play with there stuff. If you need to get out for a few hours, maybe a walk down the beach in the evening or something?
Where are your husbands family? Maybe it's time to make a move and just have Christmas with his family every year instead. Or by yourselves. When I was growing up we didn't leave near either grandparents/other family, and just had our own Christmas each year and we all loved it as kids. Better to cut them all off to be honest
I get you and them are feuding. But would you see them if it was at your mums? So just go. Piss them off with your presence. Eat up, chat with your parents and leave. Ok it wont be amazing but it will be an hour or so and youll see your parents.
The alternative would be to call off the family xmas idea if ita just you three houswholds. Hold one meal at each and let your parents not have to do anything or be stuck in the middle.
Xmas i find always brings out the true colours of ppl. Why dont you do a xmas eve thing with your parents and who ever else you want to invite. That way your kids arent missing out on their grandparents and you dont have to invite your brother and his wife
Could you try talking too your brother one on one? Ask him why he made that comment & be honest in that it hurt you. Tell him truthfully you feel like his wife doesn't like/respect you or your kids - & you want too know why. Explain you would like too have a better relationship but feel like she isn't giving you a chance too build one. It might be abit OTT & a stretch of the truth but you might get somewhere x otherwise I agree with others - don't let them ruin your Christmas with your kids & start your own amazing traditions
Take the freedom of being actively encouraged to not be tied down to Christmas plans and go do something fucking awesome with your family. Pack up and go camping or book an apartment/house by the beach and have a fantastic time without the bullshit.
Hubbies parents we don't talk to due to his own problems with them. So that's out.
I have 4 other siblings attending so Xmas day is the only time it can happen.
Talk to my brother? Haha that's a joke. He will just get hostile and abusive and want to "fight" me too.
I honestly think I'm just going to go by some pork and do a lunch with my little family. I'll see my parents in the evening.
Every Xmas is a fight. I'm seriously over It. It not only destroys my day and week but it destroys my kids too. It's not worth it. I'm not even going to make the effort. They aren't worthy of knowing its upset me.
Your family sounds horrible! Seriously what kind of adult wants to "fight" their sibling or "punch their fucking head in". How disgusting and they sound like terrible examples on their children. No wonder their kids are out of control mean if those parents are their influence. Honestly I would wipe my hands of them and enjoy a wonderful new tradition with your own little family! Go to a playground and have an amazing picnic lunch while the kids play and have a wonderful time. Sorry they are so awful xx
Oh they think everything is fixed with fighting people and I'm so over it. If I ignore them and ignore their kids I'm still being a "cunt" apparently. But if I talk to them or talk to their kids then I've said the wrong thing and they want to "fight" me. If push came to shove and it came to that I wouldnt back down but I'm seriously so over their bullshit. My kids don't deserve it and neither do I. Their kids are feral. They want to "fighy" everyone that looks at them. They think they're tough for it. Where my kids are so quiet and never want to fight anyone so they're their target. The kids get their hatred towards my kids from their parents they're big mouth little shits and I know it sounds nasty but I hate them. I avoid them at all costs. I know I shouldn't blame the kids but they're now old enough to know right from wrong. Being allowed at their age to be involved and partake in adult discussion and conversation makes me sick
Sounds like it's time to cut them all loose!
Have a lovely stress free Christmas this year x
Unfortunately, even if they are old enough to know right from wrong, if they haven't got decent adult guidance, all they are going to learn is to be the same as their parents. And it sounds like to me, the parents aren't exactly decent human beings of society....the poor kids know no better and will grow up to be exactly the same. It's a vicious cycle. All you can do as a parent, is protect your own children from that kind of influence because its not needed in their lives.
I think if I was in your shoes, I'd gladly accept that they think I'm a "cunt" if it meant I didn't have to associate with that kind of people, and enjoy a life without the gross drama and avoid my children being around that kind of behavior, language and attitude from the adults and the children.
I hope you and you kids habe a wonderful stress and drama free Christmas! Block their numbers if need to be :) xx
Don't let negative, toxic people ruin your holiday or Christmas, what about hubbies family? Start a special tradition with your own family.
Was in the same situation with my BIL last year. We decided to do Christmas breakfast with my partners family because the timing worked well for all involved (MIL, SIL and her children) didn't invite the BIL who we were having the issue with (they already have a family event planned). We will be doing it again this year. Was the most stress free event to host. I would suggest doing this so your children can spend time with other cousins and family. Then take off for the afternoon for a few days. Don't have to deal with the drama, your kids get to have their family around them and now you can use your mini holiday as an excuse to not be at your SILs.
So,,, you now you will punish your family because you can't sit down and talk to everyone about "plotting to ruin your holiday"? How is that going to work out when the trip will be you whining and being more pissy because they won't be calling you on your "run away" plan? If you can't grow up and deal with your SIL ... don't teach your kids to be spiteful and thin skinned. We are a family of 5 women.. and everyone has been the outcast at one time or another. Sadly, my mom and died died 3 months apart.. and my favorite sister died.... that's how stories go. Swallow pride and love while you can...time is very short! You'd better learn to let those grudges go...the will eat your soul away!
Wow....just, wow! I guess you are not your friend's 'go to' person when they need support or someone to talk to.