I feel like I have lost who I am ... I look at other mums, who look fabulously amazing one WEEK after giving birth! One week! They've lost their baby weight. They are dressed up to the nines and heading out! I know, I know I shouldn't look at others as I am only seeing their highlight reel, but man it is hard! We have been trying to have a baby for the better part of 12 months and it is just not happening. I have lost 12 kgs trying to get my body ready for said pregnancy. I am cycling like a Queen! Absolutely perfect cycles, eggs, etc. The problem is my partner. His sperm don't like to swim! Very low motility. And he still drinks and smokes without care. He maintains it doesn't make a difference to sperm health! I maintain it does!! Anyway he's started this 8 week shred and my god he is so self-interested at the moment in this bloody shred. Yet when I have tried to get fit and healthy numerous times in the past he has been my road block. I don't really even know what it is I want to ask, I guess I just need to vent! Add to the baby making dramas, we have one child each to past relationships. My child and I have been with my partner since my son was 13 mths old and his bio dad out of the picture (his choice) so effectively we are a happy family of 3 because my son knows no different. Add to the mix his son, my stepson and there is another dimension completely. His bio mother is as nice as pie to me when the son is playing up and yet when the son and I get close and are getting along then his bio mother plays up like merry hell!! Add to that my work stress, which never seems to let up!! I feel beaten down and worn out. I am just so depressed. It seems everyone around me is pregnant, has just had a baby, or has a fabulous post baby body and life and here I am stuck in the mud having lost myself and who I am and not knowing how to even start to get ME back! Please just tell me someone else is or has been in this situation and that there is light at the end of the tunnel!??
3 Replies
I know you probably don't want to hear this but I feel like you not getting pregnant is a good thing. Your partner doesn't sound like someone I'd want to have children with. Being your road block when you've tried to get fitter and healthier. The fact he won't stop drinking or smoking is a fucking huge red flag. It 100% does affect sperm count and quality. Is your partner so ignorant that he can't read any piece of research done on sperm health?
Not to mention smoking at all is revolting and just him smoking around you while your pregnant and holding the baby when it's born with smoke on his clothes increases the risk of SIDS a lot. You cannot bed share if anyone in the family smokes. Just smoking is so bad for babies.
The mother of your step son isn't a great situation but I guess she just can't hide her jealousy when you and her son get along. I can kind of understand it. Not that it is acceptable to be so difficult when you're only loving her child but sometimes it's hard not to show jealousy especially if she sees you as basically stealing her life (partner and child). I think that problem in your life will sort itself out fine as time goes on. She will get used to it.
Also, never look at Rebecca Judds instagram ? That bitch is out of this world at birth recovery, it ain't typical ?
Firstly, just because someone recovers quickly physically after pregnancy it doesn't mean they have it together. You don't know there genetics, what type of delivery they had, all of those things can make a big difference. They might have super supportive partners, or parents who have taken a load off of there shoulders, or one of those weird babies who sleeps well. They also might be out and about with there happy face on, because they can't stop crying at home! You just don't know.
As the other person said, have a good look at your relationship. Does this guy lift you up, or drag you down? Why would you want a baby with someone who drags you down? Does he really want a baby? He sounds pretty uncommitted to making one if he wasn't prepared to get things sorted. Perhaps one of the reasons you feel so lost is you and your partner aren't really on the same path?
Yes it's quite common to feel lost and I've felt lost. It's usually when I'm not listening to my inner self and are not being true to myself and allowing people to treat me as less then I deserve.