Help idk what to do we have tried full care as mum didn't want her 5yr old now she dose we have gone to court and have tried 50/50 goes back to court soon but would it make us bad if we say no to seeing him when he's with mum he will talk on the phone to dad and me and other kids when he is living with us he is definent rude and always with the well at mums or mum said I can do what I like at your house I hate u ect it's getting worse and he's now 7 we know it comes from mum but she makes out she's the perfect parent and every week he gets sick from our house which he is never sick but she like to collect him from school n txt with how longs his nose been runny ect or y has he got an ant bite we didn't tell her about it a bruise fact is he's a kid kicks play rough especiall one with odd and add she also babies him yes she's the mother but she's making his issues worse I love him and so dose his dad but we r struggling to deal with all the crap n drama week in week out would it be so bad to walk away and give up and explain when he's older y we did it ?? My daughter hasn't seen or spoken to her father and Is doing fine school and social wise and that's his choice she's 9 I just hate the fact the bull shit won't end and don't want to spend the next 10yr fighting over dumb stuff and court is costing an arm and a leg and we won't ever be able to stop contact from mum which is the major issue please advice even if it's to say keep pushing on
Parent vs step parent
Parent vs step parent
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Health & Wellbeing, Behaviour
10 Replies
Why does it have to be 50/50 or nothing? Why can't it be one weekend a fortnight or one weekend day a week? Or why can't dad have a day outing with his son those days.
Be honest about what you can handle, and be realistic, BUT it's not ok for Dad to have no contact with his son at all. He needs to see his son on a regular basis.
Just because your daughter is fine now, doesn't mean she will always be fine.
We r being realistic we can't deal with her anymore it's got nothing to do with his son she minipulates everything to suit her and we r at the point where we can't do it anymore she's turning him against us and it's all about power not what's best for the kids
Oh and we tried every second weekend and that didn't suit so she kept changing our weekend we tried half holidays but she wants only 7 days at a time with her son my family Iive 9hrs away so I can't see them if I have him as we r also not allowed out of the state according to her
Unfortunately your dealing with a horrible piece of work! But thats not the little boys doing. Is there some way of asking in court, if in school holidays you can go away to where your family lives for a holiday?
Just gwt it sorted through court. Take his visits and ignore any contact from the mother.
No contact with the child is not an ok solution. Because the adults cant sort their shit out. You dont give up on the kid. Your child might be ok but really theres no other choice there its out of your hands. If she had any say in that i can guarantee she would want him in her life.
Find a solution and do not encourage him to walk away from his child. You won't be able to explain his dad abandoned him because his mum texted you about ant bites and runny noses and sharing with her made life hard. It doesnt justify it.
It would be extremely damaging for that child for dad to just give up and not see him. He will grow up always feeling like he wasn't good enough. Like dad didn't wany him! Explaining to him when hes older that having to deal with his mum was too hard, isn't going to justify giving up on him!
7 year old boys are bloody hard work anyway. Mine can have MAJOR attitude, be rude and disrespectful and manipulative but it would be pretty horrific if i packed his bag tomorrow and said its too hard and shipped him off, planning to never see him again.
My son's father disappeared for 6 months. My little boy struggled big time with it. He was only spending every second weekend with him prior, but he missed his dad so much. He cried most nights. He thought his dad was dead and no one was telling him. It was absolutely heartbreaking.
Have something put in place that the mother can only message about care arrangements for the child.
Set boundaries at home for when he comes over. He bes naughty, hes sent to his room and misses out on a fun activity or loses a toy he likes. He'll eventually realise he can't misbehave at dads. It might not be this month, it may not he this year, but eventually his behaviour will improve. A lot of his shitty behaviour will because of the really crazy confusion he'd be suffering from if mum is filling his head with rot. I strongly suggest you find a counsellor he can see when hes in your care. But please please dont give up on this little boy. At the end of the day he is just a little boy stuck between mum and dad and he loves both mum and dad and you and just because his behavior doesn't always seem like it, he truely does.
I feel your pain, I have the same issues with my stepchild. U need to do what is best for you and the rest of your family. Maybe get dad to sit down and have a long chat to him about how he is feeling etc. At 7 it is worthwhile sticking it out. Behaviors will eventually change.
No, sorry it is NOT ok to walk away from a child. This is your Husbands SON. Not just some random kid. Go to court and get strict rules involved and then the Mum won't be able to play silly buggers. You can also organise counselling for the son so that he can cope better with the things his Mum says and with the way his life is. The poor boy has Adhd and then this topsy tervy life and you expect him to behave and if not then you are willing to give up on him. Imagine when your sweet little 9 year old daughter turns 14 and is sneaking out at night, smoking, bringing home boys, cutting etc etc. Are you going to get rid of her too? The pair (really the 3) of you need to grow up and be PARENTS. And yes I am a step-mum with a step son with issues and I deal with it because I do LOVE him. Love isn't a word, it's an action. Start acting like you love him.
Yes. It is perfectly fine to walk away. You have a household with 2 other children and a husband. If your husband is upset with each thing that happens as you are, how are you being the best parents you can be to the others. At some point you other 4 people in that house are entitled to live peacefully without this emotional blackmail caused by an ex and a 7 year old. Everyone is talking about the damage to 1 boy. What about the other 2 ? What about the relationship between the married couple. Living in stress is shit. Walk away if it brings peace to your household. One family needs to be happy and her and his mother will work out what happy is for them.
This will be long but cant stop thinking about this post.
Firstly, you only need to have contact with the mum regarding pick ups and drop offs. Or in case of emergency! Get that in writing somwhere as part of the court orders. In the mean time or in future ignore the melodrama of her stupid snotty nose kid texts. As a mum, you know kids get sick, bruised etc, she is just causing drama. Don't feed it by responding, ever! Just see it as the nonesense it is. Keep all the texts too and show your lawyer, may be able to use them.
Once there are court orders in place, she wont be able to change weekends etc or its breeching the orders.
At the end of the day the court makes orders whats best for the kid. Not the parents. The law is, a child has the right to a meaningful relationship with both parents. Let her carry on like the queen of motherhood. Just remember she is already failing by screwing up that poor little kid with her power trips and manipulation. Get him into counselling. Seek family counselling too for when the little boy is there to help connect you all again and may be able to help with ways to deal with his behaviour.
Ive also heard of an idea that I love where there is a communication log book that goes with the child when he goes to dad's and mum's. You write in whatever needs to be said to the other parent for e.g "can you please send a couple extra jumpers next time. Thanks." Or "child fell off the trampoline and grazed his leg quite nasty but he was ok after a cuddle". That way all bruises are explaines and she cant carry on. And she can also write whatever needs to be said to dad. That way you dont have to text each other between visits etc about stupid shit.
Also sometimes giving up the fight isnt giving up on the child. Its just saying "we are not going to fight anymore" and ignore their attempts to fight. Be the secure loving home where there is stability and support. Let her be the crazy lunatic throwing all the arrows. But you guys can turn your backs on that crap and ignore them and just hug that child and let him feel secure with you all and just stick with the court orders thats are in place.
That bossy defiant Bad behaviour is pretty normal for 7 year olds in general, its part of their development , but its worse when there is a parent battle. I know personlly from my own son ;)
It gets better. Just discipline when needed and be consistant. He acts like a turd he is punished. Praise his good behaviour and acknowledge when hes being a little champ.
Its not easy, I know but its worth hanging in there. Thing will improve. She sounds like a fruit loop but dont let her have the power to bring you guys down. Imagine a wall built up thats blocking her crap and on your side their is a loving caring family.