Currently 30 weeks pregnant and while every mum to be is over the moon and already had a connection to their baby in the womb, I feel like I'm failing...
Why am I feeling like this? I'm not feeling any joy or love or happiness at all and I'm so scared and disappointed in myself that I feel like this. Why don't I have that connection or how can I make/have that connection?
The whole pregnancy to me has been a downer since I've had to stop my physical work as it involves heavy lifting etc and helping with livestock because of uncertain dangers etc. I've always been a happy and outgoing person and thought I would love pregnancy but I don't, I've hated it all ?
I don't want to fail at being a mum, I want to love my baby fully and be excited so bad. Is something wrong with me?
7 Replies
First of all talk to your gp
I felt the same when i fell pregnant and had to quit work, which was very physical and had to stop working with my Cattle and horses. My Daughter is now a year old and i fell in love the moment i held her, we have a great bond.
Don't feel that your failing now. But seek help from the gp about depression
Expectations. Theres no right or wrong. Everybody else is most definitely Not full of rainbows and connections.
Youre putting enormous pressure on yourself and speaking to yourself really negatively. You cant fail at this. Its not pass fail. We all fuck it up sometimes. We all feel like we're fucking up much more than our kids do.
Youre already prioritising your babys safety over your own desire to work.
One exercise you can do is find time to be silent. In the bath, floating in a pool, go to meditation or yoga class, and don't think of anything else just you and your baby.
Dont overthink if you dont get a feeling you expected. Just keep doing it.
No you are not failing.
How you feel now is not related to how you will be as a parent.
I didn't enjoy pregnancy at all. And I didn't bond with the baby. In fact for me it was a stressful time. I ticked all the boxes of things you should do but it might as well have been preparing for a DIY project.
Once my son arrived though I felt so much love. Nobody would question my love for my child ever.
I was the same. I didn't bond at all before my son was born. I felt very protective and worried about him when he didn't move and things like that. But I didn't bond or feel love for him at all really.
And to be honest I didn't when he was born either. Up until he was about 2 months old I 100% loved my partner more than the baby. I thought he was cute and I was very protective and gave him a lot of attention but I didn't bond for a good long while.
Not everyone is the same. It doesn't mean you are a bad mum. I felt the same as you. But now I tell any one of my friends who's pregnant about how I felt so they don't feel like failures. Cause I love my baby now like nothing else!
It took my about 2 to 3 months as well, but I had a lot of complications, not sure if that anything to do with it.
Awww! I promise you are not failing because your not enjoying pregnancy. Pregnancy can suck! I did not enjoy a moment of one of my pregnancies. I felt like crap the whole time.
But I totally forgot about how much I hated it the moment my precious baby boy was placed in my arms and went back and did it again two years later ?
But lovely I think it would be a good idea to talk to your obsetrician or midwife about your feelings. They are very valid feelings and it may really help you to talk about them to someone who can help you work through them :)
Everyone I know hates being pregnant, it is a tiring, hormonal and emotional time.