Hey guys, this is a quick run down of my story, I met a man early this year, we fell in love pretty quick, 2 months in we accidentally fell pregnant. I have two kids previously, 7 and 5 and this is his first. He was very scared at first and went from being excited to terrified. He said he thought we should have an abortion but I said I didn't know if I could and would have to think about it. Fast forward a week and we took some time to settle, and he came back saying he thought we should do it together. And I was thrilled as I really didn't want to do this alone and I also didn't want to have an abortion.
So everything is fine for about a month. Then suddenly he is scared again.. he is turning 26 and I guess isn't ready to grow up. He has commitment issues do to his first relationship where she cheated on him and left him with all their debt and he was young and it just always played a toll on him. So I didn't see him for two weeks he said he didn't know if he could be a dad, or support us, or wasn't good enough to do this. After the two weeks he messaged me apologizing and saying how sorry he was and it was just fears but he did want this.
Now fast forward another month, three months pregnant, and I find out he has been messaging another girl. Just flirting texts and there was videos of each other sent of them masturbating... I was heart broken... she didn't know about me and as soon as she did she contacted me. So then he apologized you know the cliche I'll never do it again blah blah, I loved him so much and wanted to be a family I said okay. Fast forward a week... and he tells me he can't do it. He doesn't love me. He said he only came back a month ago because he thought it was the right thing to do... I had no idea. I really thought we were happy...
it's been almost four weeks now, and they have been the worst in my life. He is 100% he doesn't love me at all. He has already started dating and is on plenty of fish and tinder. I know of one girl he saw twice and she was 18... it's almost like he is trying his best to do everything to be "young" and not grow up. They didn't sleep together and she isn't seeing him anymore because she found out about me and the baby.
He is very serious about being in our babies life though. And wants to come to the scans and be involved as much as he can.
Which is obviously good. After three weeks of arguing we are finally "friends" he told me today that the door is closed for us and he only wants to be friends from now on.
But I am so heartbroken....
I have two questions, firstly, anyone else going or been through pregnancy alone? How did you do it? I am so scared and isolated. I have a great family and friend support group, but it isn't the same as a partner... and the thought of him with other people ? he told me he isn't seeing anyone else right now, but I guess maybe soon he will be...
and secondly, has anyone been in a situation that the babies father came back? That he was just scared and trying to be free one last time almost? Am I silly for getting my hopes up he will come back?
I keep thinking maybe at the gender scan in four weeks he will see me and the baby for the first time and come back....
Pregnancy alone? Father doesn't love me anymore...
Pregnancy alone? Father doesn't love me anymore...
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy
8 Replies
Firstly i am so glad he has been honest with you. Even though a little too late. I know it hurts but it hurts much less than being led onby someone who feels a duty to be there. Arguments and cheating while you have a baby. You deserve better.
Youre strong. You can do it without him.
This is one of those times when I question whether I should comment or keep scrolling, because I don't have anything to say that you will like.
He's 26. So what. My son is 22 and a father to 1 year old twins and he's amazing! Very hands on - he does everything and he loves it. Age is no excuse here. I was a mother of 5 at 26 and loved every second. He's immature at best but mostly it sounds like he's just an arse hole.
He isn't worth your time. Honestly the quicker you come to this realization the quicker you can move on. Why would you hope that he's going to come back when he's been such a fuckwit? Even if he did you'd always wonder if he's there because he loves you or because he felt obligated.
I've never been alone during a pregnancy so I can't comment on that. I think that no matter what your baby will be loved and that's what matters the most.
I understand this is hard to read but seriously. You don't need him.
I agree, I fell pregnant with my first when I was 20 & my partner 23. We had only been together for 4 months when my daughter was concieved! He was so scared & nervous but said he would support me whatever I decided and he absolutely has! We are now expecting our second.
26 years is old enough to know better & just because he may be scared of having a child and the commitment to his child that goes along with it, it doesn't give him an excuse to act like a jerk.
I dont think he is a jerk. Hes a guy in a tough spot. It all happened very fast and hes in a situation he doesnt want to be in. He tried to do what his values tell him is right and make this his family but his hearts not in love with her, which led to treating her less than she deserves and hurting her. Now hes done right by her I just hope shes strong and protects herself next time he gets the guilts.
I absolutely agree, getting pregnant 2 months in is likely to end very badly. He's not only going to be a dad to just the baby, but also 2 other kids. Zero to 3 in two months, that's pretty full on. I also believe, as a single mum myself, when you have kids, you lose the luxury of falling in love fast. You have to prioritise kids above all else and take things very slowly and be extremely cautious regarding any potential partners.
I had my son on my own when I was 21! Doing it on your own is far easier than trying to do it with someone who is messing you around.
You've already got kids, of course you can do it on your own!
No the babies father didn't come back and although at the time I was hurt, it made life much, much easier than the not making his mind up at the start. If he'd come back after my son was born I would have told him to go stick it after he'd made the entire pregnancy far more difficult, stressful than it needed to be.
The pregnancy part itself was easy, it was all the drama of if him changing his mind that was difficult. Labour was easy, I chose a family member to be my birth partner and it was lovely.
You should mentally prepare yourself that he won't come back. Holding on to hope that a guy you've only known for a few months is going to be with you long term through this will just bring you more pain in the long run.
I went through something similar with my first child when I was 17, had my baby 6 days after I turned 18.
The father was there for maybe 13 weeks, then he disappeared. He was abusive, but I wanted to make it work, I wanted my baby to have a family.
He has other children that my son sees which is great..
But I done everything on my own, he gave me a $2 rubber duck for the baby, and then asked for it back.
I was working getting $400 a week, my baby had everything by 30 weeks.
I was devastated.
But now that I look at it, I am so glad.
It was so much easier than feeling unloved, feeling like my baby wasn't wanted.
My baby boy is now 4, we own our own home, he is the happiest, healthiest little man I know and his father still has nothing to do with him.
You can do this, it's only hard right now because you're heart broken.
Good luck xox
As a person who has been through a similar experience my advice is to prepare yourself for him not returning. I was 18 when I fell pregnant with my son. The father was so excited about becoming a dad and I thought everything would be perfect until 5 months into the pregnancy I was told by a mutual friend that he was seeing someone else. Believe it or not it didn't hurt as much as I expected it to, all I was concerned about was my unborn child and as long as my child had 2 loving parents then that's all that mattered. I rarely heard from him during my pregnancy. He visited the day my son was born and acted like a doting dad but then he changed his mind and stayed away for months. He did try to come back to us at one stage (mind you he had a girlfriend) but by then the thought of him and I together made me sick to the stomache. He blew in and out of my sons life for years, sometimes he'd go 6 months without seeing him.
Many many years later now and my son refuses to have anything to do with him, although his father has made no effort at all in 5 years. My son is very bitter when it comes to his dad and he now calls him "the sperm donor".
I know it may all seem very scary right now but you will learn to cope. I, like you had so much support from my family and friends. All that matters is your baby. It sounds as though your situation will be similar to mine where he will continue to change his mind. Unfortunately you cannot force them to be good dads and you will have to prepare yourself for a rollercoaster of drama. As long as your child has a stable home with you, they and you will be fine.