My son has been invited to a friend birthday party. I initially rsvp with a yes. However I want to retract and I don't know how to go about it.
Basically my friend (the kids mum) is having a hard time and is kinda heavily medicated. Her son is out of control but has been for a very long time. He is rude to her, rude to other adults and rude to his peers.
Here's an example: they came over to our house recently to visit my son for his birthday. They gave him a gift. My son thanked them and then the boys proceeded to play with the toy gift. They got into a bit of a scuffle (as kids do) but this kid just went OTT. started screaming hysterically and wouldn't calm down. My husband was home and was in a work phone call. He closed himself in our room to block out the noise. We (his mum and I) tried to tell him to calm down as my hubby was in the phone. He replied that he didn't care. He wants to go home. His mum said 5 min. So fast forward to then. He tells his mum that he wants to take the gift back. His mum said no. When he got into the car I thank him for coming over and for the gift. He replied yeh what ever I don't care. I was utterly gob smashed. I've never been spoken to like that by an 8 year old. His mum heard but shook her head. I wasn't going to take that lying down so I said that's not really nice to talk to an adult like that. After a long pause he replied fine, BYE.
This is one of many many incidents of this child's behaviour.
So back to the birthday party. I want to retract because I don't want my kid around that kind of behaviour. What the hell do I say to "unRSVP".
Don't get me wrong my kids are far from angels but this is extreme behaviour and I don't want my kid to be a part of it.
Help ?
9 Replies
Just lie, say sorry something's come up and we won't be able to make it after all
Message the night before and say your son and you have been sick and won't be able to make it the next day. Just in case she's making food she can make less with more notice. I would tell her why because if she tells her son it might not be good for your son at school etc
Considering despite everything they went to your house to give a gift, i would attend the party and then distance myself after.
If you choose youre done now I think at least give notice, just say really sorry we are now unable to attend and wish him a nice time.
I'd just go. I know it's going to be hard but you can deal with it for a short time. You've already RSVP'd and if it were a legitimate reason apart from you just don't like the kid then that's understandable. You really have to be the bigger person and it'd be good role modeling.
If you really feel you can't go don't lie. The mother is having a hard enough time and I'm sure she's not stupid. Be honest in a gentle way e.g. Your son doesn't want to attend and you don't want to force him. Give him a small gift anyway.
My 8 year acts just like that when we're out or visiting, he has autism, he gets overwhelmed and forgets how to act appropriately, I imagine people have talked like this about him before, and it always breaks my heart to think that's all they see
I was thinking along the same lines.
My nephew has autism and he's hard work especially when he's out of routine and in an unfamiliar environment. He also has Tourette's. Gets quite interesting.
However, the kid described does just sound rude and obnoxious.
I would go and see how the day goes when he is at home in his own environment etc. See if there is anything that could explain his behavior before you confront his mother about it.
My son's attitude at the moment is what you just described...
He is rude, grumpy, back chats, refuses to listen, tries to rule over me and can be so manipulative when he wants to be! He has behaved this way in front of his friend's parents before and I can't tell you how badly I have worried time and time again that one day they won't want him around, that they won't want their kids around him. That they will encourage their kids to not be friends with him and lable him a "bad kid", that he will be stuck a loner and feel left out. I have him in counselling, he is disciplined for rude and disrespectful behaviour, I am doing everything I can to try and get him through this awful stage. He is a sweet kid but he gets so overwhelmed with emotions sometimes that he just instantly gets angry and frustrated.
I think before you decided to encourage your kid to not be friends with him, and to not go to the birthday party, just remember this is still a child, with feelings who is probably going through a really shitty time especially with mum who sounds to have pretty major issues. Sometimes support abd understanding go a lot further than turning your back on someone.
Maybe meet at a park next time instead of having him over to avoid him interrupting your husbands work calls if he has another melt down.
I am a bleeding heart and I make my child go if they RSVP. Some cannot control their behaviour and would hate to see their birthday ruined. All other events I might avoid but not a birthday. Still support mum