Just curious. I see the majority of mums who post on here seem to have children with special needs. Is it really that common? It's terrifying me!
Not that all your children aren't perfect the way they are but I have sever anxiety about my baby being diagnosed with special needs and i just don't know how I'd cope!
9 Replies
Out of the hundreds of people I know, nobody has a special needs child (Down syndrome, cerebral palsy etc).
Autism would be the only condition that is common in my circle. (and that is only a handful).
There is a very high chance you'd have a very "normal" child. You do see many people commenting about their special needs child, but out of the 50+ thousand on the IM page, there would only be a couple of hundred. So a small percentage.
I would say the incidence of autism is fairly high. Also, I believe ADHD and ADD are probably over diagnosed also. Sometimes I think ADHD or ADD is a polite way of calling a kid a spoilt brat.
I have a child with special needs that is a genetic chromosomal disability. I did not know I carried it until my son was diagnosed and I never in a million years expected it! I guess I was oblivious to the fact that it is a very real possibility. If I knew then what I know now I think I would have considered not having children as my son now has a life full of challenges to face with regards to things that most other children take for granted. It sucks but it is what it is. I wouldn't take my son back for the world but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'd spend my life savings and probably sell a kidney if it could cure him!
I never feared having a special needs kid when I was pregnant. I always thought surely that won't ever happen to me, look at me, I'm perfectly normal. LoL look at me now 2 ASD (Autistic) kids plus one with ADHD and almost 10 years in. You don't just cope you learn to cope, because that's your baby. The person you brought into the world. That's what the combination of your genes and his genes created and you love them. You get angry, you have resentment, you have your what if moments and man do I loose my shit occasionally but you know what? I wouldn't change my life for the fucking world. They're my kids, they are the people I brought into this world and all I ever do is aim to do the best I can possibly do for them and me. Don't go worrying and fearing about what hasn't yet happened. Live and take life day by day. It's not smooth running and it definitely ain't easy, I never wanted it, never expected it and here I am still living breathing and being the best I can be and helping my kids to become the best they can be.
I would expect having a special needs child might contribute to a mum being on here and reaching out for help every now and again.
You love your kid no matter what you get no point worrying about what ifs and possible scenarios that you have no control over.
Hey, mum to 22 year old on the spectrum (plus a bunch of other things).
Firstly the debate about wether the number of cases has increase or not goes on but there are some things that have changed in the last 20-60 years that could make it look like numbers have increased. For example many of the people adults with autism were either misdiagnosed (childhood schizophrenia, intellectual disability etc etc) and so that made actual numbers look lower.
Secondly institutions were closed about 30 years ago, so you we are bound to be exposed to more people with disabilities than 30 years ago. We have also moved away from disability being a big dark secret. Parents are advocating for there child's right to an education so you are seeing children in schools with disabilities. We are refusing to take no for an answer. We are refusing to take our children home and stay there and pretend like our children don't exist. Parents and those with disabilities are not putting up with being hidden away. We are taking our children on social outings, we are refusing to sit at home.
Thirdly a wider range of people are being diagnosed with autism. So that quirky kid that never seemed to fit in, was odd but didn't receive any support, was just expected to struggle through?? That child would most likely be diagnosed as ASD today.
As to wether you would cope?? I can tell you now, you never know what you can cope with until you go through it. I've been a sole parent since my son was born. I'm still here. I'm not dead, I'm not broken. I don't have a magical personality that makes me uniquely able to parent a child who has some differences. I'm just a person, like you. Yes there have been some rough times, bloody rough. But we got through it. And man is he amazing. As I type this he is making me a cup of tea (I didn't ask for one, he just made one). He is so very happy, he is so funny, he loves going to restaurants. He is non verbal, but communicates with his iPod touch and people just take to him straight away. Everyone in Bunnings knows his name, all his favourite eating places he is welcomed by name (they don't know my name grr lol).
But honestly what's the point of stressing yourself over something that may or may not ever happen? Seriously? You will drive yourself insane. Are you going to stress about the possibility of cancer, or diabetes or car accidents?? Because all of them are possibilities in life, but if you think like that you'll never be happy or content or be able to live a full normal life.
That's the thing, you haven't had the baby yet, so you think of it as a child with special needs. It won't be that, it will be your baby. Imagine your husband had a stroke and had difficulties walking, he isn't a stroke victim, he is your husband. It's exactly the same, only the love you have for your baby will be much more intense than hubby. Also, most people don't write in when everything is fine, so it gives the impression there are lots of children with special needs. Have you noticed all the sad stories about abusive pArtners, how many people do you know in dv relationships? Probably not many to none.
Very good point!
My son has a sensory processing disorder and is classified as special needs. He will require to be put in a classroom with an aide when he goes to school, but does not qualify for an aide himself. He had a tough day today, he had swimming lessons and all I heard was the teacher saying concentrate, you're not listening, etc etc. and I have to admit, I cried about how unfair it was!! How someone who looks so 'normal' can struggle so much, and how people treat him as if he's just naughty, when really it is a neurological condition. He is literally wired differently. I am well aware that there are worse cases out there, and things could most definitely be worse! This condition effects one in six people, most are undiagnosed but it comes in varying degrees. It's been a long road and I'm not sure what his future holds, I worry about how he's going to be every single time I drop him at kinder, is it a good day? Have I done enough to give him enough sensory input at home so he's not totally out of control? What snide comment will I hear about him today?
My daughter doesn't have the same condition, but she has a rare allergy to chicken. We have had many calls to the ambulance, many trips to the ED and many expensive specialist appointments. The first time she ate chicken at seven months she almost died.
I now have a mine month old son, and can't help but wonder what will his 'thing' be? What's going to be his little stand out condition that's so different to everyone else?
I by no means want to scare you, my point is I have had endless nights of no sleep worrying about them, but I've survived. You learn to roll with the punches. Learn to deal with even close friends and family making hurtful comments. Honestly, even when your chiller are 100% healthy, 'normal' children, you still worry! Special needs children aren't the only ones who need to be worried about, and there is so much help out there for the ones who need it most, you would never be alone. My son is a bloody amazing kid, he is so funny, kind and clever. You can always see their best even when they are at their worst!!
My DD was born fine...until she acquired a disability from a brain injury...
Not all children are born with a disability...but they can gain one