This is more of a vent than a question but im laying here in the dark on my own having a good cry and i just need to share it with someone. I wrote in 2 weeks ago about bloody nipple discharge well after two weeks of numerous tests no one can conclusively say why it is happening so i need to have an operation to remove the offending part of the breast so it can be tested further. The problem is right from the start my husband has insisted it was all a major over reaction and has been cranky about me going through the private system (we have insurance). It got to the point that even the mention of it would lead to a massive argument so when i went back to the gp for results and he didn't ask how the appointment went i didnt mention i had an appointment with a surgeon. Today came and i got up and dressed as if to go to work and went to see the surgeon instead. Turns out i need surgery next week. So i went and booked it all, organised all my leave from work, organised the care for the children and booked and paid for it all (although it is tight we can actually afford it). I tell hubby that i need the op and he loses his shit that im going through the private system and gets angry that 'we' didnt discuss where i would have the op. He actually hung up the phone on me and is currently giving me the silent treatment. By 'we' he means he decides when and where and its his perogative whether or not he thinks its all an over reaction and a waste of money. Im just so so so sad that instead of feeling loved and cared for and supported. I feel alone and scared and like i have to justify myself. I feel like im not even worth the $1000 the op will most likely cost...i know its wrong that I felt i have to organise everything in secret but to be honest if i thought he wouldnt check the bank account i would have gone and had the operation without him knowing. Admittedly i coukd wait many many months for surgery in the public system but considering they wont definitively rule out cancer until the post op pathology I really felt it was in my best interests to follow medical advice and act promptly. I cant take the stress of not knowing for months and months. Congratulations for reading this far and thank you for lending me your ear.
Im so sad it hurts - why won't my husband be supportive
Im so sad it hurts - why won't my husband be supportive
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care
13 Replies
Sigh what an arse. I'm so sorry he is behaving like this. What a pig. I'd be having a close look at the overall quality of this relationship. You should be able to lean on your husband at times like this.
Omg you poor thing! You are deffinetly in between a rock and a hard place. You did the right thing by looking after yourself! It seems to me that your husband although is deffinetly in the wrong may have some other issues going on. My advice would be to if you have any family or close friends you could turn to at this time turn to them for support until you have your operation and get the results. Try not to even think about your husband, maybe just keep a diary of how you are feeling then when you have yourself back in order sit down with him and put all the cards on the table because how he is treating you is deffinetly 100% wrong! Stay strong girl! Sending positive vibes and lots of good luck xxx
No, you have definitely made the right decision. The public system could take months. And what if it is worst case scenario. I think your husband is being horribly unsupportive. Does he have any medical understanding at all?
He's being such a fucking arse! Seriously. In the scheme of things $1000 is nothing when it's your health and life in question.
You did the right thing. Don't feel guilty.
I cannot believe that he is being such a dick about it.
Don't question your decision. He can get over it. Fucking twat.
This made me so mad reading this. I want to give you a big hug. Good on you for looking after yourself xx
When I was with my ex I had some heart palpitations so I saw a doctor about it and this doctors face when he listened to my heart was terrifying. He referred me to a cardiologist straight away (he phone them right from his office) and referred me for blood tests. Said it could be life threatening and a "ticking time bomb" and to not go back to work and see the specialists that very day! I was hysterical. I rang my partner at the time crying and he said to me "oh don't be ridiculous you are fine you are such a drama queen I'll see you when you get home". I was so upset that he didn't care. But I went to the specialist and got a 24 hour monitor put on and went home. Still very upset I had texted him a few times telling him so but he didn't care. Then when I got home he wasn't even home. I ring him and he's out drinking with his friends. I was soooo heartbroken and furious. He didn't even come home that night at all cause he said he needed a break from my drama queen-ness. That was the moment I realised it was over. I still stayed for another 6 months but I never forgave him for that and I still remember it clear as day 6 years later. My heart turned out to be okay it was just stress.
By the way, now with the most amazing man I've ever met who would spend 10,000 dollars if he had to for me to get surgery and we have a beautiful baby.
Your husband isn't the right person for you and you deserve to find that person. Don't waste your life. You might even realise that more now you're having this scare.
I hope the pathology comes back clear. x
Yes my ex would judge me and make me feel like i had to prove i wasnt being dramatic. Its the worst feeling ever. He was also a jerk in many other ways ans now gladly my ex too.
Yes I'm afraid I have to agree with this.
I'm sure you've put up with a lot from your hubby but for me this particular incident would be the tipping point and personally I would not be able to recover from it.
He's just dug his own grave, probably is oblivious in his obnoxiousness.
As for you persist with getting this issue resolved, and please keep us all posted, we care about you lovely mumma <3
What the actual .... am I actually reading this correctly? Your husband is angry at you for spending $1000 to hopefully rule out cancer? He's an arsehole! When you get the all clear- pack his shit and change the locks! What a complete bastard! Let someone else have him because you deserve way more than his self obsessed little world that it seems he live in!
Have the op. Get yourself well and then kick him to kerb.
Hugs to you lovely lady. I'm sorry to hear your hubby can't support you at this time.
You have done right by yourself, going to doc/surgeon is the best way to care for yourself.
With regards to your hubby....
Has your husband always been controlling about money? Maybe he scared for you ?
Have you family or friends close by to help out?
Be as strong as you can be, no more tears over the selfish man. You can do this lovie.
PS please update us imperfect mums if u can ?
Big hugs mumma , I noticed that your wrote this now 5 days ago , I hope things have settled and your feeling ok ! I don't want to bad mouth your hubby as there's a Cham e there's more to your story then just this incident ? Is he always like that or just about this ? Is he scared for you but not sure how to tell you ? Were you saving for something that that $ was there for or is he a slow mover and likes to process things ? Sometimes we expect ppl to act in a certain way in a sotuation and when they act differently we assume it's because they do t care when actually it's just that they need to process it differently , need more information ? Had their own opinion and don't feel heard ? Does he realize cancer is a possibility ?
I'm sorry that you don't feel supported I'm sorry that he isn't being there the way you need him to. :( but if he's not always like this then don't be so quick to write him off ... if he is well .,,, what the others said ;)
You've absolutely done the right thing here, and I'm so proud of your strength to put yourself and your health first instead of your husband's insecurities and tight-assery. This symptom needs investigation, it is serious. No drama about it!
Cancer Council have a number you can call to chat to someone while you wait for surgery, results and beyond. 13 11 20. Please make the most of them!
Wishing you all the best for your op! Let us know how you go x
I am going through something similar... I'm in the public system though & mines brain surgery.
Not the aggressiveness though just a major lack of support & care factor.
I'm not making any excuses it's just an example which is really all anyone here can give you, depending on if this is a regular attitude towards you (in that case I think you should just leave because that's some seriously controlling shit right there), it might be a coping factor, men are simple creatures that generally have simple reasons & whilst I agree with every other person here (it's a dick move), would it be possible for you to get someone else to bring it up with him & see what's said?