I have a 7 month old who will not sleep on his own. The bedtime routine consists of bath > massage > cuddles > bottle > then he drifts off in my arms and has to be held for 2 hours before being put down in his cot, he will ping wide awake after a few minutes if he is put down right away or within 2ish hours. He then wakes around 1am and to save my sanity and so we both get a decent amount of sleep I bring him into bed with me so that I don't have to sit up for 2 hours trying to get him back to sleep to go in his own bed again. He naps 2 or 3 times a day for an hour to 2 hours each time, but I have to lay with him in my arms if I want him to stay asleep, again he will wake if I put him in his bed or sneak away. This has all been fine up until recently where I'm now struggling with pretty bad back, neck and shoulder aches as he is sleeping in my arms so I can't move or lay comfortably. Prior to having my wee babe I worked from home in the evenings and I'm really wanting to get back into it soon, it's like my escape, my "me time" that keeps me from feeling like "just a mum". But with his sleeping like this I can't do anything else. I've tried everything I can think of to encourage him to sleep in his bed - putting him down when he's awake but sleepy, quiet baby music, a baby shoosher, lulla doll, a dummy, swaddling, I've tried a million different wraps, slings, carriers so that I can wear him but it kills my already aching back. I'm not comfortable with leaving him to cry it out or self soothe but I've even tried that and it hasn't worked, he just gets worked up and screams then I wind up upset and feeling terrible. He doesn't have reflux or anything like that, he just wants his mum. He's still a little bubba and it will pass, he's not going to need me forever, but please fellow mamas, if you have any ideas or words of wisdom please send them my way!
8 Replies
Try wrapping him in one of your jumpers that u have worn. The smell of u should help. Theirs no easy way to say this its hard but u just have to be tough. Not going to sugar coat it its going to be horrible the first few weeks. Do ur normal bed routine once his had his cuddle and bottle put him to bed doesnt matter if his awake tell him its bed time now time to go to sleep. Wrap him in ur jumper and sit next to his cot maybe holding his hand or something. Then once his asleep move out his room. Once his ok with this then move further out the room. Its called the camp out method and has worked well for all 3 of my kids.
You need to start putting him to bed awake.
It's going to be a hard few days, but he'll learn.
There will be crying. But a few hours of crying is worth it for the end result.
Instead of holding, try patting. Your aim is to help him off to sleep by doing less than you are at the moment.
Maybe post this question on "the baby sleep company" Facebook page.
They answer these types of questions every Friday.
I have never managed. I do put the baby down with a big toy next to them so they dont feel alone. It works, but if they wake i pick them up and hold them. just sit and cuddle and sleep. On bad nights i put her down next to me on the couch so she sleeps and im still kind of free.
Only that co- sleeping is awesome!!
Good luck!
I co sleep but have my arm under his head while I lay on my side. And have him tucked into me with a pillow behind his back so I'd always really close to me. I still haven't figured out how to put my baby to sleep by himself either.
Don't listen to the cry it out people. That shit is bad for babies development and it's been proven. It's hard but your baby will grow out of it soon
You're doing a great job. My 3 kids have all been like this...With my first I tore my hair out trying different things and failing and listening to everyone's advice and failing and trying to figure out why he wasn't sleeping in his cot. Everything got better when I accepted it and got rid of the cot and put a double mattress on the floor of his room and just lay down with him...I could sneak away and whenever he squawked I would go in to resettle and usually spend the night in there. None of my kids slept through until around 2 but I'm pretty sure they slept better and I coped better by doing this. As they wake less and less I stayed in there less and less until they were just sleeping thru in their own room.
So much is going on...developmental leaps, teething, sickness, separation anxiety...it's basic instinct they feel safe with their mother by their side...they don't know they are in a safe place with you in another room watching on a monitor. Unfortunately our busy western lives don't accommodate well for this....it's all about routines and getting them to fit around our schedules & evolution hasn't caught up. Some bubbas are "high needs" and just don't settle as well as others.
I recommend following Pinky McKay and Evolutionary Parenting on Facebook, they have some great articles and support from mummas going through the same thing. Xx
Dr Jim McKenna also has great info on the benefits of cosleeping & that this is normal baby behaviour :)
Yes ! This!
All of my 3 have been the same too ! 7months might be the start of seperation anxiety as well ! Oh and have you seen'the wonder weeks' when they are having a developmental leap they get more clingy !
Take a deep breathe your doing a great job! You'll be pleased to know it does change ! Always always make changes slowly and with love ! Pinky has some great tips !!
If you have room start with a mattress on the floor , settle there laying next to him and sneak away (I find I have to do a very slow but one fluid movement to get away if your arm is under their head .. don't stop don't jerk just slowly smoothly slide out ) to go have mummy time ... play soft music so that becomes a sleep cue ! I know you've prob heard it before but they grow so fast the time disappears ! They won't want you there forever !! My oldest is now 5 yo and he no longer needs or wants us in the night ! My 3yo still wants us to lay with him til he's asleep and my 15momth old ... she's still in our room and wakes a few times a night BUT I've learned to be ok with that
My son was hard to get to sleep awake 3-7 times a night for the first two years even with "sleep training" as he got older he has night terrors, I guess he was having them as a baby as well. No help but sometimes there is a reason. I put a bed in with my son and I sleep in there when he has a bad night. Good luck and it sucks