So I'm well in my 30's and married with 3 kids. Hubby only wanted 2 but compromised because a 3rd was so important to me. Our baby is now 21/2 and the light of our lives. This week I've gotten a positive pregnancy test and I am still in shock. Hubby hasn't gotten around to getting the snip and my one tube, scarred uterus and past fertility problems led us to become complacent. I've tried to talk to him about it but he got angry, blamed me and said he doesn't want it. I don't know what to do. I don't think I can stay with him if I am pushed into an abortion, as it goes against everything I believe. But I also think I'd struggle on my own with 4. Our home is mortgage free and financially we're not struggling, but not on big bucks either. I am currently a SAHM . All of our friends have small 2 kid families and think 3 is too many. Our families are the same. I am feeling really alone and struggling to know how to feel. Any advice? Has anyone been in a similar situation?
8 Replies
I have never been in the same situation but I would say, don't have an abortion because anyone is pushing you. Or because your friends or families think any more than 2 kids are too many- I'd say find some less judgemental friends and tell your family to stick it! Your husband however, may just need time to come to terms with it. If he doesn't come around then he needs to remember that he was half to blame. Prevention is better than cure- he should have thought about that before becoming complacent! Give him time let him get his head around it but don't let him pressure you into anything.
Don't have an abortion because he wants you to. You'll regret it and possibly develop mental health issues and then what's that going to do to your 3 children? A lot worse than struggling with 4 kids you wanted and love.
Your husband will probably come around. It's his fault too for not getting the snip! I'll tell you though, when I fell pregnant with my first ny partner was ADAMANT I get an abortion. He broke up with me, he called me all the names under the sun, told me he would move away etc. i was tempted to have an abortion until I realised that I'd never forgive myself and would probably never have another child ever because of the guilt. So I said "seeya later then buddy!". A month later he was asking me how me and the baby were doing and after a lot of making up on his part we got back together and are now the happiest we've ever been and he loves our baby so much it's crazy!
Men have very different reactions to pregnancies than us. I don't think it makes him a bad person. And I don't think he will leave you and his 4 kids just because he didn't plan on another on.
Im not going to tell you what to do one way or the other thats for you AND your husband to decide. Firstly it takes 2 to tango and you are both at fault if another was not on the cards. Secondly trust me when I say jumping from 3 to 4 kids is huge..most likely a new car and kids sharing rooms more expense. Thirdly you knew your husband only ever wanted 2 kids but HE was the one compromised because it was important to you. Maybe as he is the breadwinner not havinga fourth child is important to him. Whatever decision you make has be the right one for both you and your husband. Not just one of you.
He has to suck it up and man up. He had sex with you knowing there was a chance it could happen. If he knew you were contraceptive free and did it. He is selfish.
I've just gone through similar but with fifth 7 year gap my husband didn't talk to me for two months I let him process it his way but I weren't going to be forced to have an abortion he came around yes it was tense but now he's getting quite excited and sucking up big time. I'm due in five weeks
If men are 100% sure they do not want more children, then they need to take responsibility for their own reproductive sytems and get the snip. What a lazy weak reaction blaming you for falling pregnant. Go find yourself some new friends for support. Its perfectly fine they think two is enough for them, the environment or whatever it is. But none of their business in regards to other people's families. There are lots of fellow mothers with more than 2 kids. Befriend them. If your husband really wants to make you choose between him and the baby, Well I wouldn't choose him, but its your choice. Has even booked in for the snip yet considering he doesn't want more? Or is he just continually going to blame you.
I've been were you are we hade 2 found out i was pregnant with number 3 he told me to have an abortion. I told him i couldn't and if he made me i would never be able to forgive him. He didn't want anything to do with the pregnancy but once she was born he loved her more then anything ? she is now 4.5 and the lite of our lives. Do what you fill is best for you don't let him push you in to anything.
My hubby wanted 2 kids, I wanted 3…he got a vasectomy when I was pregnant with our surprise #3. Honestly he was a bit of a dick throughout most of my pregnancy, until I thought about it & decided I could do it on my own if I had to & as much as I love him, it wasn't fair to bring a baby into a home where someone openly didn't want it & told him to get over it or get out. Thankfully he got over it & she's a total daddy's girl ❤️️