Single Mum

Single mums.... we do know.....

I'd like to just take a moment on behalf of single mums who pluck up courage and come to this page to reach out for help but get slammed for it as though you're wrong for protecting your children from these real life monsters. Here's to you.

As a single mother who left a DV situation I'd like to just say to anyone who has not been here personally that we do know.

We do know that there are good men out there who are suffering at the hands of women who are using their children as pawns. These men we have walked out on (or are trying to leave) are not these men.

We do know that some women falsely accuse innocent men of domestic violence so they can keep the children and get their way in court and claim extra child support- we are not these women.

We do know that there are beautiful men who are amazing parents out there, we see them ALL the time and we envy those of you who have these functioning relationships with the lovely fathers, we do know you work hard at your relationships with them and you don't give up.... believe me in a DV relationship we tried absolutely everything to try and make this other person happy and for them to see our worth and how happy we could be together. We didn't just give up. We didn't choose this.

We are so, so aware that there are men fighting to see their children too and that it's not always the men - but this time, this story that this person is telling was not about a kind man who cares for his children and it is breaking her heart. She has tried relentlessly to make the father see the damage he is causing the children and he doesn't care.

There are so so many stories I read on here where women write in asking for advice and they get shot in the heart with "fathers rights" yes the father has rights and as well he should, but listen to the poster and hear what she is telling you. Men or women - some people are toxic and do not deserve to be parents.

If a woman is telling you that she needs to get the children out of there then please stop posting about fathers rights, listen to what she is asking from you, she has probably been isolated from her friends and family and totally controlled by this person. She does not need to hear about his rights, it makes her stay longer in a dangerous and volatile situation as he might 'get the children' as you're telling her he deserves to have them half the time because he's the father, she knows they're not safe with him, she reads your comments and changes her mind, she stays to "protect her babies" so they're not alone with him.
She is asking for help, she is asking advice. Do any of these women who actually are cruel enough to use their children as weapons ask advice? Most likely no because they think they know everything anyway and believe are above the law and can use it to their advantage. These women who do ask, believe me they know. They know about the nice men fighting battles against wicked women, they know most men are lovely parents (she convinced herself for years that he could be one of these nice men if she did this or that etc etc)... they also know when they need to get their children out and far away.... please stop judging based on the men you know and listen to the story she is telling you.
The most terrifying men of all are the ones who seem like the perfect man to the outside world, they're the ones who you're terrified to leave - because who is going to believe you? I would. People do. People did. For that I am forever grateful.
So please, stop judging. We do know.

And ladies living the nightmare right now. Community legal for advise, Relationship Australia, domestic violence services - they're all there to help, even Centrelink have social workers who will help you. Reach out, it's the best thing I ever did for my children.

And for those of you living the other side of it being falsely accused, or that have partners being falsely accused, it's a long road but - it will all come out in the end. The truth always does.