How did you know you were done having children?
I have 6 children, 4 to my husband and 2 from a previous relationship. Ages 21,15, 6, 4, 2 and 11 months.
I can't help but feel I'm not finished. I was adamant when we had our son (the other kidlets are girls) that I didn't want anymore and hubby should get a vasectomy. Well he hasn't had the procedure yet and now I'm thinking I want 1 or 2 more. I'm wishing he had of had it done when he said he would so the decision would be out of my hands now. He keeps changing his mind about whether he wants more, he can't really handle the lack of sleep. And my body has really taken a beating from the last birth, bulging discs, no pelvic muscles at all. But, I still can't shake wanting to have more. Tell me I'm crazy for even thinking about more? I'm 38, for a long time my cut off for having kids was 35, and here I am way past that point, so why stop now? No really, tell me I'm crazy?
When did you know you had had enough children?
When did you know you had had enough children?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy, Baby & Toddler, Kids
4 Replies
You are crazy!
Your body is telling you enough is enough and how would you feel if you went through another pregnancy and damaged your body to the point you couldn't care for the children you DO have. At some point we have to put the family we have ahead of what our biology is telling us.
Plus now you are 38 your risks go up dramatically for all sorts of complications on top of the problems you already have.
There are loads of reasons why people don't get to keep having children. I never felt done, but it was a conscious choice. I stopped at one as a conscious decision. Not because I wouldn't have loved more, but because it wasn't going to be good for me or the good for the needs of my current family, financially, physically, emotionally, health wise. So occasionally I feel clucky and wouldn't another be nice, but that is all it is a passing thought now.
Plus your baby is getting to that age where they are less needy. So don't mistake missing having someone totally dependent on you as wanting another child.
My suggestion start expanding your life. Raising babies is time consuming I'm sure the children you do have will appreciate not having to share you with a small baby and being able to enjoy the freedoms and opportunities that come with that.
I'm 38,you def are crazy! You are more than just a baby maker, look into the things you are passionate about, hobbies or things you would like to study, career wise (or if you are already qualified look into upskilling). Focus on the freedom you are going to have when the youngest goes to school, the whole world is going to open up for you.
I too think you're "crazy".
As someone who is from a large family (6 kids), you owe it to your current children to be present. Babies take away from the older children.
My mother was "crazy" too.
She was in her 40's and wanted another child. It thankfully didn't happen for her. (She has medical issues and wouldn't have been able to care for another baby.- eg shoulder issues- wouldn't even be able to carry a baby).
You say the last pregnancy took its toll on you. What if the next one was worse?
What if you died? (Birth can be life threatening).
You said your husband can't manage the lack of sleep, how would he manage 6 (possibly 7 if you passed during birth), kids on his own?
Also, you're at higher risk of having a baby with genetic problems. What if your baby had down syndrome? Could you manage being their carer for the rest of your life?
You need to write up a pro and con list.
Can you afford another child? Or would you rely on Centrelink etc.
Maybe focusing on the children you do have, would be a great start.
Yeah I think you're crazy! Haha BUT anyone in the business of baby making has to be crazy! Some people are born breeders! Chat to your husband and your doc and make the decision, if doc thinks health wise you can and hubby is keen, then why not?! There are always a million reasons why you shouldn't but if you a great mum that already spreads herself around for all your kids and is patient and coping mentally then go for gold! Fertility is a gift that won't last and it is yours to do with weather you seem batshit crazy to others or not ?Good luck!