Disobedience in my son

Hi there,my son has been out of home for 2 weeks now,his father did ask him to leave as he is so disrespectful rude and his temper is unbearable on the family,he has admitted to smoking weed as well,he refuses to come home at a reasonable hour all week,he is just defiant in every way...he sleeps with his girlfriend when we are not home, he even leaves the condoms full under his bed which we have recently found (gross) his is now staying at the girlfriends place he is 17 and just has no obedience what's so ever....we have tried the nice way tried lots of love...tried to be tough we have tried everything...he has been through alot of friends and schools and jobs...i have tried to get him into counselling he will not go...a few years ago he went to headspace for over a year with no success...in the last few months I think I have just given up and been so angry with him....i now just miss him so much...but do my husband and I stay strong untill he changes his ways??? The family including his sister have been way less stressed with him out of home and it does work so much better...but I miss him
..I have tried to be in contact but he refuses to get back to me...in his last text to me when he left he refused to call me mum just used my name...please don't judge me in nastiness I am distraught enough as it is...i just need some advice .I just can't can't take the hatred the disobedience and his selfishness...but he is my son