Hi IM's
I don't know if I've done enough to punish my 12 yo son !!
After work Monday, I was going through personal emails and found an email from my sons principle. To my utter shock and disappointment I found out that my son along with 5/6 of his friends were teasing/bullying another boy in their class !!
I was so angry and upset not just with my son but with myself as well because I thought I had discussed this with him more than enough for him to know he shouldn't do it due to the possible consequences of bullying. He has also previously been the victim of bullying also so he knows what it is like to be the victim.
I sat him down Monday night and got him to tell me the truth about what had happened. He initially denied everything but then half hour later came back to me and told me the truth.
I had met with the principle today and he explained to me that this boy had left the school due to bullying issues with these children. My son is such a quiet and easily influenced boy (BUT definitely NOT excusing his behaviour at all!!) and I just don't know if the meeting with his principle and teacher as well as our conversation was enough for him to realise the consequences of his actions. I have also grounded him from all electronics from now until the end of the holidays.
Is this sufficient punishment for his actions?? He is normally such a good kid and I have never had to punish him to this extent for this long?? Should I punish him more or less?
Thanks for your advice !!
5 Replies
Its your call. Personally i would include something where he needs to use his initiative and actions to make amends. Not so much a punishment imposed by you. Let him know the kid is devastated enough to move schools, so what kind of feelings and thoughts do you think this kid has about you, the class, the school. And what are you going to do to change that.
Sounds like he needs to understand he counts, whether hes 'just' laughing along or offering a kind hand, what he chooses to do matters.
I think a conversation about HOW the boy might be feeling. Plus what your boy could do next time instead of bullying. Should he tell a teacher, stand up for the boy? What should he do. Most kids just don't know what they are expected to do.
Good on you mumma, a mum that actually cares who isn't making excuses for your child. Could he maybe write a letter of apology to the boy, the principal may be able to email it to the family of the bullied child. I think thats a sufficient punishment but I do think a sincere apology needs to be had to. I would probably follow it up with a tougher punishment if it happens again.
The only time I ever bullied someone was when I got involved with the popular group of girls when I was 12 and just "went along" with their bad behaviour. My Mum made me apologise to the girl and to have to speak to her and see how upset she had become was the worst punishment ever and a huge eye opening experience. I never behaved that way again as it broke my heart to think I was the cause of someone's unhappiness. I think you should make him apologise to him in person or over the phone if you can't do it physically. That coupled with your other punishment should be enough.
As a educator i have just had to deal with this from a teachers point of view. I will be making each child involved in the incident write an applogie letter. The letter must include something they like about the boy as this teaches them to own up to there actions. I would have made them do it to his face if i could. Although depending on the child this may make them have a little bit of anxiety it hits home alot harder for the bullier. Great job for making your child take ownership of what he has done in my line of work i hate the phrase kids will be kids, and yes they will but it is our job as parents and educators to teach them right from wrong and how to take ownership of there actions.