Life in pieces!

This may not make much sense & be a bit all over the place, but here goes..
I am a 30yo wife, mum of 3 kids aged 8, 11 & 13, hubby is 33. We are a defence family, hubby has been in the army for just over 14years. He & I have been together since I was 13. My whole world is coming crashing down around me & I feel there is nothing I can do to help! The last 3 years it has been getting harder & harder, 3 years ago I admitted to him that I had been struggling with serious codeine addiction (admitting this was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do) the next day he took me to the doctors & long story short I got referred to an addictions clinic & was put on a medication called 'Suboxone' my addiction was so severe they started me off on the highest dose possible & I'm still on that same dose today, I also have high blood pressure & depression & anxiety & am also on medication for those too (except anxiety). Hubby has just recently 5 months ago, been diagnosed with depression & PTSD and has been put on antidepressants as of 3 weeks ago, I've been asking him to get help for a very long time but up until recently he has refused saying he is fine. Now he has med downgraded & says it has ruined his career because I made him get help! I honestly thought I could do this & be here for him but I don't think I can do this anymore! He is mentally abusive to the kids, to me. I can tell the kids are anxious around him, they won't even ask him if they can have a drink out of fear of being screamed at! We are constantly walking on egg shells around him, and I'm ALWAYS looking out of the corner of my eye to make sure they aren't doing anything wrong that may set him off again! To be honest I dread him getting home cos I know what's going to happen. My anxiety has gotten extremely bad the last few weeks to the point I'm having at least 3 really bad attacks a day, I went to the doctor yesterday and he has prescribed me Valium to take ONLY when needed & when hubby got home I asked him if we had enough money so I could get my script & he rolled he's eyes and said "I don't know, how much is it?" Anyway we decided to go for a walk to the chemist and get it & ever since then he has been having a go at me saying I'm on to much medication & I'm adding more stress to our already strained financial pressure. I lost my job about 6 months ago & I really am trying to get another, it's so hard to try and find a job in between school hours with NO experience, I WANT a job more than anything in the world! I hate living off my husband!! I hate not being able to contribute to everything. I hate that my kids have to miss out on all of there excursions, school camps, special lunches, cool new things 'that every other kid at school has' ect! I hate that I can't afford to give them pocket money & everything or anything they want! And what I hate the most is that I can't give them the mum that the deserve. I am falling apart & have no idea what to do anymore, I just want to run away but I don't think I could leave them with there dad, he can't even cope for 2mins! I feel like I'm doing all this on my own & if something doesn't give I'm going to end up in the mental health ward! Hubby sent a long message this morning saying he wants to end his life ect! I seriously can't cope anymore!!!