I am at a time in my life that I should be ready to start a family, im in my 30s and happily married.
However I suffer depression and an eating/body image disorder.
As much as I would love to start trying for a family, I am really worried I will not cope with the stress/responsibility of being a mother.
People say you change once a child comes along but I'm just so scared if nothing changes I will be an awfully selfish mother because of my own issues.
Awful question I know, but does anyone regret having children?
Awful question I know, but does anyone regret having children?
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Kids
20 Replies
Have you spoken to your own mental health professionals about how you feel? They can help you work through your fears and help you come to a decision that is best for you.
Wether you have mental health issues or not being a mum isn't for everyone. Some people find it easy and others find it hard.
There are parts of motherhood I really struggled with and parts I've found very easy. I think that's normal for most people.
I have a 1 and a 1/2 year old daughter. After suffering from depression for many years, she is the light in my life, literally the best thing to ever happen to me. She gives me so much love it's beyond amazing.
In saying that, I'm sure it's different for everyone. I'd definitely be checking in with your gp about it. If you do fall pregnant there's so much help there for you if you're suffering.
Yeah I was like that too then I had 5.nothing has changed. I sing to passs the days if I wasn't a mum I would be free 20 more years to wait for that freedom .
No judgement as I understand totally, but are you saying you regret children?
I personally don't but many people do. There are a lot of articles about people who do online.
Its taboo to say so but I think people do regret having children. BUT only while they're young. I have never heard of anyone regretting their children once they're grown up. That's when you regret not having any. It's a sacrifice no matter what you choose. But I don't think the fact you have depression should scare you off. Get the help you need throughout the process and I'm sure you'll enjoy it for rhe most part :)
Actually I did know a woman who said if she could go back in time she wouldn't have children. And she was in her 50s :/ Yet if they were to die she would be upset. Was the most weirdest thing. but I don't think it would be a common thing. I honestly can't understand how anyone could regret it if they love their children. to wish someone's life away...
Its exactly what the op is asking. She can imagine the life without kids and thinks that was probably her right path. Or she had children and it changed her life in a way she didnt really like and maybe regrets going that way.not the children. Theyre here and she loves them. But the life that came with it. Amd the one that went.
I remember reading that and i understood in parts, although i do not regret my children.
I love my son, but certainly wouldn't do it again! I don't wish him away now he is here. But if I woke up at 21 with the life experience I have now I don't think I'd do it again. If I found out I was pregnant today I would be truly, truly distressed (I use 2 forms of contraception to make sure it never happens).
I love children, love spending time and playing with them, but I'm more the auntie type, hand them back. The talking Exhausts me!!! People would describe me as an awesome mum, in fact super mum gets bandied about a lot, but personally I'd never choose to take on the responsibility again.
Become a parent when your ready ? It's not easy being a parent, and I will not sugar coat it. I regretted having my last daughter so yes you can regret having children. But this does not mean I love her any less than my other kids.
Trust that you will change. Have children when you choose to, most people take the leap with a big scared knot inside ans it stays for years. The reason just changes as your kid and life does. Midwives are 80% counselors... youre definitely not alone with this.
I don't regret my kids- I love them more than anything and would do anything for them! However I do miss life before kids! It's a strange really, when we moved interstate, our kids flew with a family member and we drove so we were apart for 2 days and I missed them so much! But I have times where I just think, I wish I could just do what I want when I want without having to worry about nap time, packing half the house to ensure we're prepared for nuclear warfare before being able to go anywhere and just being able to hop in the shower whenever I please! ?. But in all honesty I think in the long run, I would have regretted not having kids more that I will ever miss my life before kids.
I don't wish that I hadn't had my daughter, as I love her more than anything BUT I do wish I'd sorted out my own issues (mental health) before falling pregnant. I struggle constantly with the lack of freedom having a child brings, feeling like I'm needed 24/7 etc. I know that I'm "one and done" and that if I were to fall pregnant now I would probably have a termination. I'd advise anyone who had doubts such as yours to hold off and sort stuff out.
I have a (adopted) cousin who was fostered by my aunt and uncle at age 6, and after everything she went through at the hands of her parents (her mum especially), she is certain that she does not want children of her own. She is a doting aunt to 6 nieces and nephews and is amazing with them, but knows herself well enough that it's not for her.
I am going to go against the grain and say I often think about what life would have been like without children. I was a born mother, well that's what I thought until I welcomed my third. Some days i regret having children
, some days I wish i stopped at 2. Some days I hate being a mother, in saying all that I love my children fiercely and do/would do anything for them. I know I am a good mum and I know my children are happy and loved but parenting especially with a mental illness is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I dont regret having children. What i do regret is the time that I had them. I really wish i had a career and a stable job, bought a house and had more stability.
when its 2am and the baby is STILL screaming.....thats when i ask myself "why did i do this....ive done it once, why would you do it again", but my 2 girls bring me so much joy....and stress, but they do make me smile every day and sometimes they are the only reason i get out of bed.
I think the hardest part of motherhood is learning how to NOT lose yourself. people fall into the "mum trap", they simply exist as a mother and forget how to exist as a person...as a woman...then the relationships start to fail because "your not as much fun anymore" or some stupid reason.
balance is the key. Mums always need to remember that children are not the be all or end all of your day, children have to fit into your life, you dont have to change your whole life for your children because by doing that...thats when you start to change as a person.
I dont regret my 3 cherubs but sometimes think i would be less stressful and be able to enjoy my kids growing up more if we had our kids later in life. We had our first at 22, and have always worked and worked blood hard to provide a home for our kids. But if we where that little bit older and more secure in life we may not have had to work so hard while our kids are young and growing up.
I don't regret having my children. I had my first at 17. It's hard. It's really really hard but it's also the most amazing thing. Sometimes I just wish I could take a break but in all honesty it's so amazing how you are the most amazing person in the world to them. Regardless of your problems or any problems they think you are the best thing ever. But it is really hard lol
I don't regret my children, but some days I would love to quit this thankless job, other days I realise they are the reason I am able to breathe...they are my oxygen... They are my everything... Even when they driving me bloody nuts...
No regret. I only have 1, he is now 19 and I had him in my teens so times are easy now (and he's a really great kid). I too suffer from depression and I'm probably classified as a selfish mum, our son has always fit into my life rather than become the centre of it. That and I had the best ever support network. My partner is a fantastic dad. His mum is a godsend, we lived with her for the first 6 months - I had no freaking idea what I was doing! My best friend is the best aunty/godmother we could have ever wished for, not just for her love of our lad but in that she kept me sane all through those rough years when kids can be shits. The stress and responsibility is hard, but it's really only really bad in the younger years, I found it got easier as he got older and more independent so knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel (and having your own good support network) will be helpful. Your body will change, maybe not a lot, you might get lucky and not put on too much weight or end up with stretch marks or saggy boobs but there will be changes. Only you know if this is absolutely going to be unacceptable or not. I struggled and still do, but I'd not go back and change having him over saggy boobs and stretch marks. I think the fact that you give a shit if you'd be good at it or not is a good indicator that you'd do your best to be good at it. Isn't that we really hope for?
I have depression, ptsd, ocd and anxiety and am expecting number 4. Honestly my children have been the only thing that helps me hang on sometimes and other times they are the things that send me over the edge but i do not regret them. I struggled accepting that i was expecting again as sometimes it takes every ounce of my strength to deal with 3 and i was so worried about number 4 being to much for me but im slowly getting there. I have days that i miss being childless where i only had myself to think of and some days (like today) i would so love to run away for a few days and then one of the kids will do something funny or say something that just makes you melt and in those moments it is all worth while! I wouldn't change my family for the world and god knows they have certainly changed me for the better and given me so much happiness and a reason to keep fighting.