Hi IMs. Can anyone give me some advice on how to tackle dads and gender disappointment? I'm really struggling with this situation as my OH is so upset about the gender. Won't even refer to the baby as anything but "it". I know he is allowed to have these feelings, but has anyone got any sound advice for this devestated mum?
Thanks
How do you deal with Gender disappointment in Dads?
How do you deal with Gender disappointment in Dads?
Posted in:
Pregnancy
6 Replies
What was it about the particular gender he was looking forward to. In my experience most people had an idea about what a particular gendered child would be like/do, activities they'd like.
For example if he wanted a boy, were there particular 'boy' activities he was dreaming about?
I think once you understand the why it's easier to show they arent loosing any of those things and that the opposite gender can still do those things,maybe that bond etc.
You need to give more details.
Is it first child?
Boy or girl?
Why he may have wanted particular gender.
I think it's completely normal to have some disappointment. But in the end he will come around and the gender won't matter.
I have two boys. Was disappointed when number two was a boy. But he's the love of my life at the moment.
Just reassure him that it's ok to have these feelings.
That a certain gender doesn't mean you can't do things that you wanted to do with the opposite gender. Eg, girls can go camping, fishing and help fix cars. Just like boys can play tea parties and plaint their nails.
All the best.
It's not your babies fault and he shouldn't be taking it out on bub by calling your child an "it". I would be discouraging that as much as you can.
I know a few people who have had GD but once they see their baby all those feelings change and they love their baby no matter what gender.
He can still do "boy" things with girls if that's what he's worried about. My oldest daughter is a bit of a tomboy so my partner takes her out and she helps with car stuff. It's really not much different to having a boy. You can do whatever you want with both genders.
Is he immature and have a bit of a onesided nasty attitude other times?
Sometimes we label things and bend through the pain these people cause us to still try to help and support them but at the end of the day theyre just a selfish asshole.
This sounds to me like it could be one of those times. Yes he can be disappointed but he's choosing to call it that and hes choosing to put this on you.
My brother in law was disappointed at his daughters ultrasounds, not in a horrible terrible way, he just always dreamt of having boys, and yes he has admitted being disappointed, but within a few days gets over it, deep down he's happy for healthy babies! But it's a natural feeling for him, he now has 4 beautiful girls, and there won't be anymore, he couldn't be happier, he always says 'I'm still disappointed I never had a boy, but I'm rapt I have 4 beautiful healthy girls and wouldn't change any of them' !
They ride motorbikes and spend a lot of time with him, and he's an awesome hands on dad
Just tell him to grow up and be grateful his swimmers swim.