Struggle being a parent vent

I think this is more a vent/let it all out post than a question.....

I struggle being a parent.

I'm a single parent to a school aged child. I work part time, and am studying to try to gain better employment.

Even though my child was 1 when split with their father, he was never hands on or involved since finding out I was pregnant. He has our child every second weekend (or should say his family do). I have no family support where I live and unless it goes through the courts I can not move closer to my family.

I was in a DV relationship until 18 months ago.

I've seen psychologists.

And I struggle with being a parent, doing it all on my own, no support, no back up. I sometimes get angry over the stupid things, I've not had a full nights sleep in over 6 years. I'm a financial mess, my child will never go without but I often do.

Sometimes I feel like the biggest failure and that my child would be better without me, but they always tell me they don't want to go to dads, I talk to dad about it and they deny the reasons.
Dad has another new girlfriend, child gets left with family. Dad posts all over Facebook "I miss my child" but during the time they are with me never makes contact with child.

Maybe it's the having to put on the happy face that it's Father's Day coming up when it's ME who's done it all for my child, and dad just gets to play happy families and be the fun parent who doesn't set rules or discipline and spends spends spends on crap (but never replies when I ask them to put money towards a school trip etc)