Hi IMs ill probably be told off for this but the other night as i am admin for my husbands FB and his business pages and blogs etc i was on there doing some work when a message conversation he was having (on his phone at work) came up on my screen. I always close them and let him know later if its something work related but this lady who ive met once before had replied something to him and made me feel a bit insecure, so i scrolled real quick just to see the context but i saw more banter more on my husbands part that sounded Flirtatious etc like "yeh i can look but cant touch haha" her: "haha your married" him: yeh but can still look, but if i wasn't..." and stuff like that and some pics between them- her- body shots for genuine progress photos. his )- just bored random funny pics of himself while at work (Background hes in fitness industy and shes a work contact/prospective client whose fit, gorgeous but wants to look like his fitness model crush) so i closed it off and after we talked a bit i brought it up and apologized for looking but this came up and i want to know what that was about. He said hell have a look he cant even remember the conversation and it was just innocent mates talk. So i waited for him then he said he deleted the whole thread. That made me feel worse because i thought he was hiding something but he got angry saying im accusing him of having an affair and he hates when women dont trust him etc. I just said i do trust him and i dont think hes doing anything like that but i just felt that was a little Flirtatious for me. Im a real old schools christian girl who believes that sortve conversation shouldnt be had with the opposite sex if your married etc but i know he isnt as much which is why i wanted to ask is this just normal for guys or girls? Do most people's partners joke like that and am i just being a bit sensitive? I did say sorry to him its just im so body conscious after having kids etc and he always points out bits i need to tone etc. And im working on it as he had lost a heap of weight and looks awesome and i want to look nice for him too but its slow getting there. Anyway sorry for long post! Constructive feedback appreciated! X
Husband and Flirtatious messages to another woman
Husband and Flirtatious messages to another woman
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Health & Wellbeing, Behaviour
10 Replies
I really don't think it's appropriate for him to be sending messages like that to her. I think you are quite right. I think he is trying to make you feel bad. You need to have a discussion around boundaries with him.
He cheating and you said sorry
And by the way - just because he "got hot" doesn't give him the right to go after women, and doesn't give him the right to body shame you!
Firstly nobody who works in the fitness industry who is a 'contact' talks to me in this way. In fact they are extremely careful to be appropriate! I have extremely big boobs and a male PT and my boobs get in the way in certain programs and he always asks another female PT to be around when we problem solve this issue so as not to be inappropriate!
So your husband is an ass.
And the fact he points out any buts that need work. HELL NO!!!!!!! If he is in the fitness industry he should know that's not the way to motivate someone anyway, but as a husband that's totally NOT ON!
Hes actually very good like that and Profesional it was just this one.message with this lady he didnt realise it was that inappropriate as he said he wasn't refering to her just other bodies in general. I have been told that all men look? But he has since apologized and said it wont happen again.and sorry for making me feel insecure. Guess i feel a bit an idiot as the context was probably not what it seemed also im acting jealous for no reason? I dont know but i know i dont want to be one of those women so to speak.
So he is actually really professional but an ass when it comes to his engagements with you? How is that ok? And why should you be apologising for calling him out on his bad behaviour?
So if he is really professional normally then he knew his interactions with this woman were inappropriate when he did it.
Yes men look, but they don't discuss that with other women!
Wow. It makes me sad that he points to things on your body that need toning. Yeah easy for him, he didn't have to have the children and his job is literally working out. Makes it much easier to be fit.
And here you are helping him in his business and he's there messaging other women flirting with them. That makes me feel physically ill. The fact he made you feel guilty for reading the messages it's f*cked. And he deleted the whole thread which screams guilt on his part. He's probably deleted a lot of messages sent before! Just made sure he deletes them before he gets home.
I'm so sorry for you, he's in the wrong and I would be very suspicious from now on if I was you
Wrong wrong wrong he is very wrong in accusing you never apologise and if something feels off it usually is maybe if he spent time texting you you woldn have these trust issues feelings im sorry but sometimes we need to open our eyes before the damage gets done and then some after as i have learnt if they can get away with it they will . He shud not be doing that and deleting it is hiding what he shud be facing up to goodluck do not let him off the hook and i would delve further to be honest thas bull
I need to share my thoughts on this for you. My husband had had this sort of banter with my best friend and I was absolutely comfortable as I was aware of it and he didn't hide anything - that I knew of. Then on a drunken night out be slept with her. Then I saw more signs that I should have seen like he had been deleting message trails and had been using an app to send messages anonymously and I realized that it wasn't such innocent banter. I still don't trust fully that it was only one night. I don't talk to my best friend any more and it's take. 4 years for me to get my relationship back with my husband. Please - if it looks fishy it very well could be.
You had every right to say something. He is a douche for turning it around on you!! He is the one doing it not you.
I snooped to bust my husband for something and when I confronted him I NEVER apologised for snooping....why?? Because he was in the wrong!! Not me! And I have never apologised since. And in all fairness not once did my husband tell me I was wrong for snooping.
He has NO right to point out what he perceives as your flaws. Love youself hun, if you are working on what you want then he should SUPPORT you at every turn & never put you down.
You are an admin for him! You weren't snooping anyway, if you were "snooping" then you wouldn't be an admin with easy access to his stuff.
What does your gut or instinct tell you honey? Always listen and believe in yourself.
Also, I have NEVER had a personal trainer (or anyone who is helping me improve myself) makes such remarks! It is highly unprofessional and it would creep me out especially if I knew they were married/with someone.
All the best xx