I'll keep this short-
Early this year hubby lost his job of a decade. He picked up work and they kept putting him off when promised full time work. Bills piled up and rent fell behind. I sold my things and sacrificed food for myself to accomodate this. The kids were still fed and rent was paid. Hubby became abusive toward us and even threatened to stop accepting work just to watch me struggle. Ive decided to start looking for work and also I've decided to pack up and leave and he is claiming I'm a terrible person for doing so. I understand this is a tough time but I can't see past the abuse, the rape and the screaming and picking on the kids.
Am I a terrible person for leaving at this time or should I put in more effort and see a counsellor?
7 Replies
Of course you aren't a horrible person! First and foremost you need to protect your kids and yourself. I get that he has lost his job but this is not how a normal person should react. Run, don't walk. All the best xx
Rape is a deal breaker, abuse is a deal breaker. You owe him nothing. You don't owe him another chance. Him calling you a 'horrible person' is just another type of abuse. Run away as fast as you can.
You should definitely leave. Get yourself a counsellor for yourself to help you get strong and escape.
LEAVE NOW!
In all this I hear "I, I,I" talking about what YOU can do. What is HE doing to make this work? Sorry his abusive behavior is not your issue to fix plain and simple. I also agree with the above. Abuse is a deal breaker (especially rape). 1st step is just leaving and it will be hard but don't ever allow yourself to look back not for a second. When someone repeatedly abuses you they are not worthy of chances. That's their character/behavior.
Run.
It's natural for you to be feeling guilty about leaving but what he's doing is NOT normal just because he lost his job. Save those kids and yourself please!
Only you can know the insides of your relationship.. And if it's time to go, it's time to go.
When I was about 5mths pregnant with my youngest, my brother died... 2 weeks later my husband got laid off as the gfc hit tradies hard, 2 months after that, his dad in the uk died.. I/we had no choice but for me to work full time while heavily pregnant so that we could afford to live, and then to find money for him to go to the uk for funeral.. The thing was, from the day he got laid off, he had opportunity after opportunity for work, the he refused to take because those jobs were 'beneath him'.. He kept saying to me 'I don't want my kids growing up with their daddy digging holes (for eg)'.. Meanwhile I was working 40-50hour weeks to keep us afloat while about to pop.. I knew right then, before the news of his father, when he wouldn't just take a 'menial' job (even for the short term) to help support his family, that we were done.. But when is it ever a good time? He was already down from losing work, then his dad, followed by depression and drinking... I was only able to take two weeks off work when I gave birth, as he still wouldn't take a temp job.. There was never going to be a good time... Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and think of yourself and the kids instead.
Leave.... pack your things and leave. Take it from someone who was in this situation. It's hard and a big decision but it was the best one I have made. If you need anything don't hesitate in contacting me. Sending you strength and lots of love. Xxx