I previously posted "tween prior, incorrect disposal" and was shocked at the amount of nasty comments saying to punish her, that its filthy and it should be common sense... Do you not remember how embarrassing it was? She is a shy girl at the best of times, where is your empathy and understanding?
I myself remember asking my cousin if I could change my pad in her room cause I did not feel I had the privacy to do so in the toilet, I got yelled at and called disgusting.. Which is why I have offered her our toilet for more privacy from her sisters.
Another issue is that this 14 yo girl is my step daughter! We have her 50/50 and I was under the assumption her mother had this discussion with her, I found out she hadn't and as a step mum i did not want to over step my boundaries.. Now i wish i had and we could've talked more ages ago.
so I'm basically starting from scratch! i have had open communication and have provided her with a products box, have discussed the differences in the products (thin, thick, bed etc) and changing times and why..
I was not prepared for this and needed external opinions and helpful suggestions so I knew which road to take... Definitely not the punishment one, why would I shame a girl who us already embarrassed??? C'mon mums!
I will take the HELPFUL comments on board and assess which will work better in our home, I think she will like the brown bag idea.. Slightly more inconspicuous, thank you to those who provided helpful feedback.
And to the mum who told me to teach my kids no to rummage through the bin... I have 3 kids under 4. No I don't teach them to go through the bin, its what curious minds do and unfortunately I do not gave 6 pairs of eyes and can't be divided to 3 different areas... I'm an imperfect mum trying to do the best I can... If you are perfect maybe try a different page...
16 Replies
I understand your frustration at the responses but perhaps if you'd been clearer in your original post you would have had different results.
I remember your post and just went back and re read it.
Yes some responses were harsh but a lot were factual and stating what they would do with their child at this age if she did this.
I'm sorry but how was the IM community to know she is your SD and 50/50 care from your original post?
People can only reply on what you've said which is what happened here and knowing now she's not your daughter that lives with you full time will change the advice given
My issue was with the people responding with that's disgusting, feral, mum would've slapped over the head, common sense, punishment... The comments that weren't helpful and did not provide advice.. Weather I'm a step mum, bio mum or concerned friend was not the point.. We are a community to provide helpful advice not to make people feel worse.. I already knew it was unhygienic, which is why I asked for advice on options and info... but proclaiming disgust is heavy for this topic..
She's lucky to have such an understanding step mum.
Bullshit. People don't have to explain their life story. She asked for advice, if you can't give advice based on the content provided you should keep scrolling.
Really, please. step daughter or not that shouldn't make a difference. For most step parents out there it doesn't make any difference whether the children are theirs or not. That shouldn't change how they treat them. 50/50 or 100% it was a question that didn't need answering back with nastiness, I myself have a daughter (not step) that is exactly the same. Going through exactly the same things. Very frustrating and I'm not perfect but I pride myself on cleanliness. A few tips from more experienced mums that have been in this position is always helpful.
When i was that she my mum had a bin in the bathroom and one in my bedroom. It was my job to empty them but it made me feel less embarrassed about the whole situation.
I also had the pads in my room, and some in the bathroom so i didn't have to carry them through the house. It made it much less embarrassing.
I understand how you feel, im actually dreading having the same conversation with my SDs but i know I'll have to.
How do I read the old post
Why on earth would anyone say to punish her surely they would understand this may worsen the situation! In sorry you had to deal with that, and it's unfortunate her mother never discussed these things with her, all the best with your step daughter and I hope she opens up and communicates with you I do remember how embarrassing it was as I lived with my father and brother, sadly there is a sense of shame that goes with periods even in today's society good luck to you mama
Good on u
Keep work up. I actually didnt comment first time . Cause i thought the box idea and talk to her was best idea.
My mum refused to talk to me about this . First period i thought i was dying at age 11 .
I had no one else. I wish i had u too teach me.
Trust me first time i shaved i gave myself such bad burns.... ouch istill remember.
Stay strong.
And i have asked a question b4 and the comments nasty . What is wrong with the world.
I am about to baby proff due to cat and thing and people (friends and family) accused me of being lazy and not watching my one kid. No offence it takes 2 seconds to touch something they are not ment to . Good luck ans give ur step daughter huge hugs. She is a woman and tell her its amazing .
X
Mumma, you are doing a great job. Keep up the good work!
I fold mine and wrap it in toilet paper so it is completely covered. Just a suggestion should no paper bags be available. Good on you for teaching her. Your a good mum for not punishing what your daughter for what she did not understand.
Hi IM,
I wanted to respond to your first post, but some of the responses you received just brought the embarrassment and shame right back.
When I was a teen and started getting periods, my mum gave me paper bags to wrap the pads in and told me to dispose of them in the wood fire. Where my dad was usually sitting.
I ended up just stuffing them in a drawer in my room because I was embarrassed and didn't know what to do, until my mum found them and told me how disgusting that was etc.
I wasn't a filthy, disgusting child, just a shy, embarrassed one who had no idea what to do.
I'm glad you're able to talk to your SD ?
I found this is great for privacy and still do this now.
When changing pads, i roll the old one up and then wrap it in the wrapper of the new one. Then i can slip it in my pocket and walk it straight to the bin. No one sees it or has to know.
I am always uncomfortable having my period and as we speak am in the midst of a heavy, clot filled one and told my partner i will be showering alone as i dont feel like having him see a red river while i shower. LOL.
You should be proud of yourself and from the sounds of it are stepping up for your SD where her mum isnt. Best of luck
Great response felliw IM. I think you have handled the situation great given the circumstances.
I flood... like stand up and its like tipping a bucket upside-down. I too feel embarrassed even in my own home - only family around - try explaining a shower at 3am when you only got up for a drink.
I think u did great.
I haven't read the original, but one thing I do (purely for convenience) is put some pads and tampons in a box - like a gift box you buy from a $2 shop) and put it on the window sill in the toilet so whenever I need some they are already there. It can be more discreet, and small children might not be able to reach the window sill. Also, my stepdaughter had a bin in her room and hadn't emptied it when her room started to smell. I had to tell her it was old pads that were making it smell and she needed to empty the bin often when she was putting used pads in the bin.
I haven't read your first post, thought this might be helpful for if/when she moves on to tampons for discreet disposal with no smell
http://www.pocopouch.com.au/