Please excuse me if this question comes across confusing at all, I'm feeling super emotional right now.
Also- I love my children dearly & am so grateful to have been blessed with them.
I'm 25 & have two young children. I am with their father. Until recently I did not have any regrets about the choices that I have made in my life, however lately I've found myself becoming upset about the fact that I wasted my youth & beauty. Before children I just worked a lot, I never had exciting romances or did anything that screams "hey, I'm young & beautiful, I'm going to live my life to the fullest".
I was insecure & scared & lived safely. Now I regret this. I wish I'd got to experience crazy passionate relationships. Or even just go on more dates. Looking back at pictures I'm so mad that I didn't realise what I looked like & didn't have more confidence. I wish I'd had relationships with females & left this stupid town I live in.
Now I'm trapped here. 25 kilos heavier than pre baby, in a unfulfilling relationship, thinking that this is it, I've wasted my life & it's only going to get worse than this.
Nobody else will ever look at me as attractive, my body is disgusting & ruined.
I can't leave this town as the little support I have would then be non existent. Financially, I am trapped here also.
I had a very vivid dream last night about meeting a man that was basically perfect & rescued me from all this. I woke up this morning so depressed because it was just a dream, & I have to go and live my life.
Regrets- I've wasted my life & this is as good as it gets.
Regrets- I've wasted my life & this is as good as it gets.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour
6 Replies
You are only 25!! You are still young and attractive. Maybe use this as a motivation to eat healthy and be more active. This will help your mental well-being too. The life that you are longing for is no where near as fulfilling as the life you have. Partying and meaningless relationships are easy to forget but family and marriage is not. I think maybe you may be stuck in a rut and need to change that. Book a holiday and get out and about. You can still have a awesome fun time with kids and a hubby. Try something new. We just went to Hamilton Island and popped the kids in kids club for a day and went snorkelling and diving on the reef. It was awesome and the kids had a ball too! Start researching what you want to do to fulfil your life and put a plan in place!! Once you start it is so hard to stop. It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day. We forget how to live. Best of luck!!!
Oh dear, plenty of times for adventures, and I can guarantee you are attractive to many, many guys!
Jeez vast majority of guys just don't care about saggy boobs, wobbly bellies and stretch marks. I've got them ALL and I'm a size 16 (very short too) and wether I've been a size 20 or a size 12 I've equally managed to have some sexy adventures!
You are only young and I do think it's normal it mourn your youth and pre baby body but it's important to keep it in perspective. People of all shapes, sizes, scars, burns, illnesses, disfigurements and disabilities meet people and have passionate relationships.
I can relate. I am 10 years into the future at 35, but at 25 I was EXACTLY where you are now. Here is what I did to feel better-
1.I got help exercising and eating better, that made me feel better about myself. I can 100% tell you that if you feel better about your body all the changes that having kids made (softer boobs, a relaxed tummy and the silvery stretch marks) won't matter as much. You'll still see them on bad days and feel sad still, but on good days (and you'll have more good days!) you won't see them. And when you stand tall, with good posture and know you are worth something, it shines through, not matter what weight, height, bra-size guys will find that glow sexy! Chase the glow, not the dress label numbers!
2.The next thing I did was invest in my brains! I went and started the degree I meant to do when I was young. It's hard work but it taught me how tough I could be and that I am valuable outside of being a mum or wife. I respect myself now because of that. I had to wait until my youngest was at school to start, that was rough, but I got there.
3.Now because I managed to level up skill wise, I can make more than the minimum wages I was stuck on earlier. This means that now, I have options!
4.And finally, this will cheer you up, you have had your kids young :D that means, while you are in your 40s are still young enough to do all the party stuff, travel, explore, have those relationships with females if you want (I do now! And guess what, they have the same baby-changed bodies hun!) and all the things you feel you missed in your 20s.
Don't give up hope! You can create a life that will make you happy with what is at your fingertips now. I still have days I regret some of the choices I made, but instead of being 9/10 days feeling like that, it is 1/10. Good luck - from 10 years in your future!
great reply
Hell no. It's what you make of it. I had this too, I called it my quarter-life crisis.
The beauty of having kids young is the fact you have longer to plan and can live AFTER they're all grown up, just because you haven't lived life to the fullest yet doesn't mean you can't. I'm almost 40 and have been saving to travel overseas, first time my savings got swallowed up in a house deposit, second time I needed 10K for braces, now I've got my savings back up to scratch and am looking at where I'm going to go. See a Psych and get your personal issues out of the way, make a goal (or a bucket list) - what you consider really living - then make a plan (even if it's as long term as mine) to get you there.
Whhhooa! Sweety your only 25! and coming from a fellow 25 year old mum with 3 boys, saggy boobs and stretch marks, you have soooo not wasted your youth and beauty! You are still young and beautiful and still have time to have crazy wild adventures!
Our 40s babe!! Thats when all the adventures begin ;)