Hi Mum's!
I'm after a bit of help here.
My partner has 3 children to his ex partner. While they're great kids majority of the time and I love them dearly I'm having some issues with what appears to be different parenting preferences between myself and my partner.
I have 2 children from a previous relationship, and a 1 year old with my partner.
And it would appear that he lets his children get away with things that he wouldn't let our children get away with. Things like bedtimes, back chatting, swearing ect.
This really grinds my gears.
Examples would be, his 10yr old walking around saying 'this is shit' 'you're a dickhead' 'nigga' and 'black ass'.
I would NEVER let my children say these things and my partner doesn't even bat an eyelid to it. But if our children said these things they're sent to their bedroom.
More examples would be our children are 'eat what you're given' but when his 3 children come over they're basically free spirits and can pick and choose to eat, say, do whatever they please.
If the older three (10, 8 and 7) nag for something long enough they get it. But if my children (5 and 6) nag they're sent to their bedrooms.
Partners 8 yr old sticks his finger up at my 6 yr old. Partner doesn't bat an eyelid. My 6 yr old sticks finger up and he's sent to his room for being rude and disrespectful.
And it's always turned back around on my children. If one of my children are hurst and say 7yr old hit me, partner asks why 7 year old will say something like '5 yr old was annoying me' then the 5 yr old shouldn't have been annoying 7yr old. But of 5 yr old hits 7 yr old, off to the bedroom again.
My partner is rather sensitive so when I try mention these things, he either kicks up a fuss or completely disregards what I have.
My 5 year old is starting to repeat this behaviour and is being punished for it, all the while the older 3 children are doing the exact same things and have the ground they walk on worshipped by their father.
I'm at a loss and it is starting to really infuriate me, and my partner just 'doesn't see it'. Help?
2 Replies
He is over compensating for not having his kids full time. It's terrible and he is setying his kids up for difficult adult lives.
There needs to be house rules that all the children abide by. Get him to write the house rules out with you and then when he doesn't follow, call him out.
But if those kids continue to model bad behaviour that he doesn't pull them up on, then you need to minimise contact between the kids.
Honestly, I wouldn't stick around for that. I'm not one of those, leave him over the drop of a hat and I would take a lot of shit from a partner, but not my kids. Never my kids. If he can't see the problem, then he isn't going to fix it. Counselling might help him see it, a third party without a vested interest, if that doesn't, what choice do you have? Your kids will be psychologically damaged from being treated as second class citizens. They'll grow to resent him and later you, for sticking around. Blended families are hard enough, he has 3, you have 2, I'm just curious why you would bring another into that shit storm? At least you know if you break up, he will treat the child you have together well.