Bit of a background, i am 25 and i have a 3 year son. His biological father left before he was born and i raised him on my own. My family weren't happy about the pregnancy, some members stopped talking to me for several months, others yelled/screamed/insulted and swore at me and i copped lecture after lecture. Skip to now and my family loves my son (although during the pregnancy were horrible) i have now met a wonderful man who loves my son as if he was his own and treats me as i deserve to be treated. We have just recently found out we are expecting and we are thrilled. But i am terrified of telling my family. Im scared to get that same reaction, im scared to go through all of it all over again. Dont get me wrong, i love my family, but its like they refuse to acknowledge that im not a child anymore. My partner is very supportive, but he cant understand why i cant just tell them as im an adult and can make adult choices in life. I want to tell them in a way that shows them, this is what we want and we are happy and we want u to be happy for us, but im just unsure as to how to go about it, any suggestions?
4 Replies
I know exactly how you are feeling...with my first/ my mother went off the rails at me so announcing the 3rd gave me nightmares even though I was married to an amazing man. My mum was over the moon and was there for the birth. Maybe you could do a special announcement say take a photo of a pair of shoes from the 3 of you with a pair of baby booties lined up. Or Maybe a shirt for your son saying that he is going to be a big brother. Good luck I hope they are supportive of this special time xoxo
I’ve recently done some reading on boundaries with parents and family and those we need to set for ourselves when we become adults.
When you are ready announce your pregnancy and be proud of what a wonderful life you have created for yourself. Try and arm yourself with some responses. You probably have a better idea of what they will say, so be ready and have your boundary ready responses good to go:
‘I’m sorry you feel that my pregnancy is not what you feel is best for me. But it is a decision we have made as a family and we welcome this child with open arms’.
‘We are very happy with our decision and hopefully in time you will come to understand that I am creating my own family’.
I hope that helps a little.
Sounds like we have the same family! My family have never been happy about any of our pregnancies. My mother even "forbid" us to have any more after our 3rd, and when she found out we were expecting our 4th she stopped talking to us. So when we found out we were expecting our 5th, I was so anxious. I wanted to just not tell them (especially her). In the end, my husband ended up sitting down with her and telling her because we knew she would react better with him than me. He was honest, he told her we were happy and asked her to respect that. If she didn't have anything nice to say, don't say it. She took it a lot better than we thought she would. And we took the same approach with others that we knew would not be happy. We were respectful of the fact they didn't approve, but also reminded them we are adults, and they need to respect that and our choices as well, even if they don't agree or approve. Of course as the pregnancy progressed they came round to the idea and once Bub was born they were all head over heels in love.
Good luck! It can be hard, but remember you are an adult and capable of making your own decisions.
Your a capable responsible adult. You dont need to prove anything to them. Could try stealing their thunder first. Ring and tell them your pregnant and if they are going to repeat their behaviour from the first pregnancy, they can forget and you are not dealing with them while they act like it. Tell them its not worth the stress while pregnant and you still feel hurt about the way they behaved the first time.