I feel so guilty and that I have let my son down :( he is 3 years old and from birth had recurrent ear infections that led to grommets and adenoids operation a few months ago. I was told not to let him get his ears wet like showering, so we didn't have showers initially but then I got lazy and would put him in the shower after he played in the mud or something or had a nappy explosion because it was easier. Now its 1am and we have been up for 3 or more hours with constant crying and discharge from his ears. And it suddenly occurred to me that I was showering him today after a nappy leak. I feel like this is my fault he is in pain now and it's my fault he got the infections so often as a baby, my fault that I didn't get an ENT referral earlier. He doesn't talk properly yet and that affects his behaviour because of the slight hearing loss before grommets, so I feel guilty over that too. Just feel like I failed him now and he is in pain and I failed him allowing his milestones to fall behind with talking development and everything. I actually feel like a crap mum lately I just had another baby and hardly cook a proper dinner now and sometimes I wait until my toddler comes looking for lunch before I bother making him anything... sometimes that means he won't eat all day...
4 Replies
I'm not going to comment on the ear infections, as they are not your fault. Kids that never shower or get their ears wet can still need grommets. As for the showering, you can still shower him! Get him in the habit of wearing ear plugs. Or a shower cap that covers his ears.
As for the rest of the post, Yes. That is laziness! Do you feed yourself?
Every time you stick a boob or bottle in your babies mouth, give your toddler some food and drink too.
I have a 3.5 year old and 9 month old, so know what you're going through. Yes, I had a few "oops, I haven't given you lunch yet" moments , but never all day without food.
If you genuinely don't remember to feed him, set reminders in your phone. He should never go hungry. He's a growing boy and needs food. Especially to keep his body strong to fight the infections.
Get in to a good routine.
When he wakes, give a cup of milk/water and a banana. I used to set his water bottle and banana in front of the TV each night, and have TV set to abc kids. So I could go straight to feeding his brother and he could help himself.
Breakfast at 8. If you Make him toast. Add 2 extra slices for yourself so you eat too.
Morning tea at 10:30. Keep an assortment of quick and easy things in the cupboard. Chips, cheese and biscuits etc. and fruit at his reach on the counter.
Lunch at 12:00. Make a sandwich and fruit platter. Cut up extra fruit for afternoon tea. Make an extra one for you to pick at.
Dinner at 5:00: start preparing during the day as Bub sleeps. Cut up the salad stuff early.
Peel, wash, cook and mash potatoes whenever you get a chance, that way they're ready by dinner time.
Keep some cups of 2 minute noodles for the bad nights. (Cups are easier than the ones you need to boil on the stove).
Keep frozen veg in the freezer. Boil some up to serve with the noodles.
Frozen pies and salad are an easy dinner.
If you have a slow cooker, use it. Make double to use for a second meal.
If you ever find yourself with food in your mouth, offer him some.
I think you need to get some help too. It seems like you aren't coping at the moment. If you are feeling a little depressed, please go see a gp. Post Natal Depression is no fun.
Yes. Youve realised youre not keeping up. Not feeding him is the most concerning thing thats basic care.
I am with you on feeding easy dinners and you start to feel crap about it.
You dont have to cook meals. But you can change some things and you know you need to.
Start planning dinner. Easy is fine but if its planned it will have some veggies in it and it wont be as bad as a last minute meal is. It can still be quick and easy. Chicken breast pieces with corn on cob and grated carrot and tomatoes. Chicken drumsticks with a simple salad or few veggies.
Even every second night. Baked bean sandwiches are fine. Dont beat yourself up just not all the time.
And get some easy snacks. Like scrolls or pizza breads, cold meats, muesli bars with fruit and veg for quick lunches.
Its hard especially with a sick child it gets out of control auickly then you find yourself feeling shit. So its time to make a little bit of effort and change the things you feel shit about . (Cover his ear in the shower? Shower cap?)
Just a thought - a nutritious diet with adequate protein can also boost immunity and help prevent infections. So I think starting to focus on meal prep and providing regular meals will be of great benefit to your son
The ear infection isnt your fault. I had grommets and still got ear infections and i still had showers but mum made sure i had a show cap over my ears.
I think you have fallen out of a routine. And when there is no routine, everything sucks!
If your up before your kids shower and get organized for your day straight away! Then feed your baby when he wakes up and make your 3 year old breakfast! Have a set time for lunch, 12pm is good. A sandwhich takes a minute to make. A sandwhich a piece of fruit and a cup of water and lunch is done. At 3pm give your 3 year old a snack.
Have you got a slow cooker? Slow cookers are the best! Stews are so easy to throw together in the morning and by 6pm make some mash potatoe and dinner is done!
You have identified you have let things slip so now its time to do something about it. Your three year old needs a healthy diet for healthy development. He relies on you to make sure this happens so if you need help getting your shit together then yell out! Scream it from the roof top! Maternal child health nurse is a good start. Dont let this go on any longer ok, you babies need you to feed them! Xxxx