So I have a 10 month old. I'm a single mum she has never meet her dad. I left due to DV. He is denying that she is his. Which is great. I'm known in my home town of being a slut and being knocked up. So I left. He doesn't pay any child support hasn't even tried to get access. I'm angry at everything he has done to us. His now living the single life partying got a new girl working living in the house with our furniture and his first exs furniture, doing everything I should be doing i'm only 23. He isn't on the birth certificate has my last name etc. Any way I've had enough I want him to face up to having a baby. To be a man and stop thinking everything he does he can just walk away and not have any consequences. His first daughter has a sister and she had no idea to last month so wrong. His ruining peoples lives and just moving on to someone else's life. This is his second to 2 women his new girl will be next for sure. So I want to go for child support. How does it work? Does it come off my FTB? Do you think if I go for it will it show that he is the dad and he will want to go for access? I'm in a different sate to him now. She's to young to travel. There is an avo in place too. I'm on the fence weather to got for it or not. Will I get more money than the top rate of FTB A and B? His on a good wage his in the survives. Plus I have a new man his taken on my baby but I don't want him to pay for everything I won't let him any way its not fair.
11 Replies
It sounds like youre doing this out of spite and it will have repercussions you need to think carefully and do what is right. If hes not on the birth certificate that is your first fight . Do you really want to go out of your way to establish that and encourage him considering he has a history of dv and is leaving you alone at the moment.
Its your call. Youre entitled to it but think carefully its very hard to undo the connection once you start it.
Honestly in your situation I would not go for child support. He could retaliate by dragging you through the court system and back to where he lives. Plus he can use that to make the rest of your life really shitty. Dictating what schools your child goes to, dragging you in and out of mediation etc.
If as you say, he is a deadbeat asshole all its going to do is make the rest of your life hell. Your responsibility is to giving your daughter a stable happy life, opening up a hornets nest is not going to help you provide that.
He is not going to learn anything all it will do is make him hyper focused on punishing you.
To me it sounds like you want to do this for all the wrong reasons.
You sound a bit jealous of his new girlfriend and it sounds like you're mainly doing it for the money.
I would leave it. If you go for child support, he can ask for DNA, after that he can go to court and make you move back so he can see this child he is paying for, therefore your new partner won't be there anyway.
Personally after a DV relationship I'd want him to stay the hell away from my daughter. It's not about the money, it's not about his new girlfriend and it's not about what you want. It's about what's best for that babies safety and it doesn't sound like this would be the best option.
Personally I wouldn't bother. Going by how you have described him once u ask for child support it could turn nasty. Just concentrate on you and your child and create a life for you both.
It does sort of sound like you're doing this out of spite or revenge. In the long run the person that will be hurt and suffer will be your child. I know it's hard and horrible that your ex doesn't acknowledge he has a child with you and would be very hurtful that he has moved on but that just shows u what type of person he is and you do not want someone like that in your child's life. Your job now is to be a strong mumma for your child and rise above what has happened. I know it's hard. My ex cheated on me but I've had to rise above it and be civilised for our child's sake. It's about the child now. All the best x
You sound as if this is for the money and to 'get back at him'.
You could always just get a job yourself and support your child. Plus, this new man HAS to support you and your child under Centrelink laws. Why in gods name would you want someone who you have an avo out on to be in your child's life??
I think that could be the worst thing you could do. If he doesn't wanna be there he is a piece of shit but don't force him to be! You don't want that for your child. It sounds more like you are doing it out of spite rather than what's best for your daughter. Especially since he was violent, do you really want a violent man around your child?
I dont recieve child support. The abuse i delt with over $17 a week was NOT WORTH IT!
You left because of Domestic violence. He is out of your life now. Out of your baby's life. Why bring him back in your life over a scrappy bit of money?
Yes he should have to take responsibility but he will make your life hell in the process and it wont change him. He will still be a pig.
I think the best thing for you to do from this point is stop checking up on him. Who cares how he lives his life, he sounds like a miserable sod anyway! Focus on being a good mum for your daughter.
Also of your new man took on the role of step father and your partner and your not working, then he should be providing for his new family. Thats normal. Otherwise go and organised daycare and work a few casual shifts a week to help provide for your family. You shouldnt need to rely on child support.
If this guy is not working, you're not going to get much if any child support anyway!
Is this really worth it to uproot your life as you now see it?
Please think long and hard WHY you want this man in your child's life because as plenty of others have pointed out - as soon as you prove he is the father, your daughter has a right to know him in the eyes of the law - whether you like it or not. Do you really want to do this to your child? Can you live with the fact he can essentially control part of your and your daughter's life?
If he wanted to be a Dad to her, then he would have stepped up when she was born.
Please think about this!!!
And just to point out. If he is proven to be the father and later on in life you want to go on a family holiday overseas. He can say no! He can stop your child from leaving the country! And it sounds like he would just to be a dick!
To answer your question you need to contact legal aid and have a paternity test done, if he refuses to have one done a court does need to order the test. Maintenence can reduce ftba down to the base rate.
If you do go down that track make sure you ask for the child support agency to collect of your behalf- that way it all stays above board and you can't be screwed over by missed payments.
Good luck