I dont even know where to begin. I am just so sad all the time. I really feel lonely and worthless. I am a single mother and it seems everything i do in my life is scrutinised. Whether it be good or bad people in my life have this way of turning things and running back to my family to tell them every movement i make just to watch the shit fight unfold. I dont go out drinking, i rarely see friends and yet the few small things i do for myself ( and thats only once a year if i am lucky) gets twisted into me being a bad mother or me raughting the welfare system ( i bought clothes for myself and was told that i should be ashamed of myself that the money was not for me but for my kids...the clothes come frome kmart) i scrimp and save, my children have a great diet, are well mannered and happy. And they dont miss out on anything. I on the other hand dont eat for weeks on end if i know that our budget will be tight due to up comming bills, i do volunteer work with immigrant children, and really just spend my days making sure our house is clean for my kids. Yet it does not seem to be enough. I am still tarnished with this label of being a bad mother. For all intensive purposes i have stopped using social media. No one gets updates on the kids and i any more. I really only go on there to clear notificatioms and thats it. No one has even noticed that i have disappeared. I just.... i am sad.
4 Replies
It's time to speak to your GP about some counselling. You sound very lonely. The people around you sound ridiculous. Of course you are allowed to buy clothes for yourself! And it sounds like you need some extra help if you aren't eating, have you spoken to the salvos?
Get these people out of your life and start making a new network. Find your people who support you and dont give the negative people a platform. Its not their business and their opinion is not needed and none of your business, then you will find yourself in a much better headspace.
Don't feel bad about buying clothes please. I had to buy some the other week. I had very little clothing and one pair of shoes I wore every day for two years when I was with my ex. I never bought anything for myself when I was with him because he worked full time and payed for everything and my little bit of family benefit bought groceries or things for my son. I had to buy clothes. I couldn't keep wearing the same shoes every day and I needed more than two tops lol seriously please don't give two f**ks what anyone thinks. I wish I could contact u so we could be friends. I've recently become single and I don't go out either much and rarely see my friends.
You seem to be doing a great job bringing up your children. The people making trouble for you are mean and begrudging. F**K them. Live your life. Get some help from your GP or councillor, have you low self-esteem?
I wish you well. Your doing a wonderful job.