I am in a position that I do not like, however I need to figure out where to go from here.
Starting mediation with my ex soon, we have been week on week off since he moved back in January. Due to him being in the defence he has been away 8 weeks in the last 3 months as well as four week at the start of the year.
I am beginning to doubt the week on week off decision. She (3yrs) says she misses daddy but doesn't want to go to he house, she wants to stay home, this home (where she lives with me). I am also beginning to doubt the time he actually spend with her. On his week he is out two nights, works mon-fri, has 24hr shift once a month with work and if he has days off he does not spend them with her (she's in daycare) even if he hasn't seen her for weeks.
Due to his work and the amount he goes away (which is normal year to year plus extras can be added including trips overseas for months) I am beginning to wonder if it would be more stable for her to spend majority of her time with me. I am not sure how this would be split up, any suggestions would be great. Any advice from other defence families would help as well.
I don't want any judgement please, I do want her to have a relationship with her dad. I am trying to do what is best for my child.
How do I decide percentage of time between mum and dad
How do I decide percentage of time between mum and dad
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
3 Replies
I think what you're suggesting is fair. You sound very reasonable so I can't see how you can't work this out happily. If you get majority custody with your ex taking at least 4 days a month I see that as fair. You can work out the 4 days at the beginning of the month when he knows about his work. Then tell him if he has a day off and would like to take her you're happy for him to do this. If you have a good relationship with your ex and he trusts you then I would hope he would like that arrangement. Considering he doesn't seem to be desperate to spend time with her he would probably prefer to see her when he feels like it.
The only problem I see with this is if he doesn't want to pay child support for you to have most custody. Sadly this is a huge reason why some people want half and half custody. Or he might forsee a problem in the future where maybe he will want to have half custody but you will refuse. I would put the idea to him you might be pleasantly surprised. X
I think she should spend more time with you. 50/50 is unreasonable in this case. I think a more flexible approach would work better for everyone
We're defence and we've agreed (after watching other defence couples split and the circus that goes with custody) that I would have full custody and he would have them when work allowed. Defence is too unpredictable and kids act out from the instability. An unstable living environment + unpredictable work schedule would only add to the confusion. My husband still gets surprise pineapples with only a days notice -_-