How do I get over the guilt of leaving him?
It's been 4 years and we are now divorced. We have been on fairly good terms over the last few months (chops and changes depends on his mood) and semi regular contact with the kids has been established when he's in an OK mental state.
Problem is when something goes wrong or pear shaped for him in his life he comes running to me. Cos I'm a sucker. And I have a guilt complex. I can't tell u how many times I have given his stupid ass money (my stupidity) because he has found himself homeless and no job. This happened again last month and he's happy living on the street... Again. Because I feel sorry for him cos I want him to make the effort to see our kids I give him money (they are under 7yeears)
Yet I wonder if I didn't leave those years him maybe he wouldn't be in this mess. Or perhaps I'd be homeless too?
I'm at the end of my tether, and the realisation that I'm just a stupid sucker idiot has sunk in (while writing this), I love my kids and I'm sick of being taken advantage of specially since I've almost exhausted my energy and money on him.
I'm in the process of seeking counselling for me as its affecting me at work, and my ability to parent. I'm also seeking legal aid to gain full custody or something similar.
Just wondering if anyone else been in this situation? I really want him to just f-off to be honest but my kids love their dad. I'm not giving any more money but I can't shake the damn guilt.
Guilt for ex
Guilt for ex
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
1 Replies
You have nothing to feel guilty for. Turn it on its head. Everytime he takes money from you, he is taking money from his children. Bet he isn't contributing in anyway towards his kids, but he can take money from them??? Hmm and you feel guilty?
If you had stayed not only would your kids lives have been totally chaotic (not healthy), yes you would have been at high risk for homelessness etc. and know he wouldn't be any healthier, AT ALL. You are not his mummy, or some miracle healer who could have loved him through this. The same services and doctors are available to him as a single man as they are to a married man.
You are a mum though and when you become a mum your number one job becomes to provide a stable, healthy home to your children. If there dad couldn't contribute to that then staying with him would have been the wrong thing to do.