The harsh reality of anxiety...
It's almost a silent killer, the life is being sucked out of me daily by this unruly beast and I don't have the energy to fight back.
I've struggled for a long time, but more recently it's almost got the better of me.
Today in particular I just don't feel like I can face this demon that's consuming my once bubbly, carefree soul anymore. I don't want to live in this life anymore.
I've moved to country Victoria and have few friends, from the outside I seem like I'm doing great, reality is I'm completely lost.
An average day, I wake up happy 30 seconds passes and anxiety hits me harder then I'm prepared for. I wonder what I weigh, I wonder who hates me today, my partner says he loves me but is he In love with me, my hair is too oily, what if I don't have time to do something, what if blah blah blah.. Some of you might think go see a doctor that will fix it... Reality check this is life with anxiety it doesn't f****** end and I'm exhausted. The last dr I saw convinced me anxiety drugs should fix it. That was all well and good but a 30kg weight gain bought on depression, a vicious cycle that just doesn't end.
I'm negative, I'm horrible company and I'm just plain old Jane miserable and I hate that's the way I am, it's consuming and no way to live, but that's my old friend anxiety never a dull moment in my over active brain.
I guess my question is, will this end, will I go back to normal, I really don't want anti depressants or anti anxiety is there another way? I need help, I'm alone and I don't know where to start. Someone please help me...
6 Replies
I used to be negative but not as bad as you. I'm now overly positive. In every situation i find a positive. You just have to try different ways of thinking. Inbox me if you like ☺
This is going to sound like I really need to be in the looney bin in a straight jacket but try visualising your anxiety as a "person" name it if you have to (I did). When you start to have those negative thoughts/feelings talk to it. Tell it its not going to ruin your day and to fck off!! It takes a bit of practice and it might seem crazy but it really worked for me. I tell my Helga to fuck off everytime i start to feel negative. I told my pysch that I had named it and that i was telling it to fck off and the look on her face was just like she had won the lotto.
I've been where you are before, medication never worked for me and I didn't want to be on it.
I can't say it ever fully goes away, it's always in your mind but you can get a handle on it and keep it at bay.
Have you seen a psychologist or a councilor? I have in the past and kind of rolled my eyes about it and never really gave it a good go. But plenty of people have had success with it, get a referral next time you see the doctor, they are valid for a year and whether you use it straight away or not at least you'll know you have it there when you are ready to use it. I got a referral a few months ago and still haven't used it!
Do you have hobbies? Anything you are passionate about?
When I get into a hole I try to make myself do things that I enjoy, even just a hug from my dog will cheer me up.
You have control over your own mind and feelings, it sounds silly but tell yourself that you don't want to feel this way anymore and keep telling yourself this, take control
Thank you this actually helped a lot!
Cognitive behaviour therapy was my life saver
I went through some hard life stuff (ended up hospitalised) and had shocking depression/anxiety. I didn't even work at the time, just had to get kids to school, which gave me shocking anxiety. I actually couldn't even speak in the morning I was so anxious. They wanted me to go on all these heavy sedatives/drugs but I just didn't want to. I compromised and was on a really low dose anti anxiety before bed to sleep and if I was really bad during the day would take a half tablet. Honestly, I don't know how or why, but over time it just went away. My life circumstances got a a bit better, had a bit of luck, some things changed my focus and I just came out of it. It took a couple of years but I haven't had anxiety for a very long time. I am telling you this so you know there is hope, that you can overcome it and won't necessarily have it forever. Wish I could tell you all these amazing things I did, but I really didn't do anything.