I'm at my end. For years this has been going on. How do you cut someone you love out of your life? My mum. She's my MUM. the person that has hurt me and called me every name under the sun growing up. Pull my hair, slap me. But she is my mum and I'd deal with it. Dad would take me for drives on a Sunday to get me out of the house. I was only young. But I still always loved her. Was never good enough. Was never my brother.
Now it's my daughter. And my son. Just like my brother and me. My son can do no wrong, but my daughter... She is just another young me. She pinched my daughter.. She's 9. It drew blood. Calls her names. I have to protect my daughter... From my mum. She won't own up or admit to any wrong doing. It's the same argument, year after year. It's time to stop. How do I cut off my mum? Family is everything to me. I love my dad so much. How do I stop this cycle. I won't become my mum.
5 Replies
You realise that your kids do not deserve that, and that your kids need to be protected above ALL else. You realise that your children are your family and that your children deserve happy childhoods.
You realise that there grandmother is abusive and that damages children, just as it has damaged you. You realise that maintaining the relationship is telling your kids it's ok to be abused, and to be ok with abuse in there future relationships.
It's probably a very good idea to get yourself some coubselling.
You just stop contacting her, you don't go to her house, you don't take her phone calls and you avoid her at all costs. If she calls you out on it tell her straight. You harmed me mentally and physically as a child all because you loved my brother more. Tell he that she may not want to remember what she was like but you cannot forget what she's done. You say "I will not allow you to do this to my children! You will not do this to my children." She's drawn blood on your daughter, she has harmed your child. Do not put your children in that situation again. My mum has forgotten about all the awful stuff she put my sister and I through. We haven't, I remind her she hates it but she acknowledges it. I still see my mum, she wouldn't dare hurt my kids I'm not scared of her any more. I will strike her if she hurts my kids. You need to be strong and make sure your kids are safe.
Tell your father he is always welcome to visit, but your mother is no longer welcome at your home or in your life.
She is physically and mentally abusing your daughter (and that's what she has done to you in the past).
No child, or adult deserves that.
If people can't bring anything positive to your life, they don't deserve to be in your life!!
Don't feel guilty for cutting negative people from your life.
You deserve to be happy, your children deserve to be happy.
Some counselling would be good for you, you need the confidence to stand up the bullies (or as I call it 'find your balls))!!!
This is exactly what I am going through but it is my dad that hurts me. I'm meant to be his little girl (I'm his only girl) but nothing I do is right. Has been this way since I started my periods at the age of 9. ?
My mother was abusive in every way growing up, we had child safety come so many times and every time she was always there so we had to lie and say we were fine, it was messed up! I left a few times and went to live with my dad but I ended up going back to her then once I was 16 I left for good and haven't spoken since. she tries to contact me sometimes but it's been over 10 years and I have kids now and I'm not interested at all in having anything to do with her or having my kids around her. It's hard some days, especially since having kids, sometimes I just want a mum but that's the thing, it's A mum and not MY mum that I want. It will be hard but surely your dad will understand and support you and maybe it won't have to be forever if your mum realises what she is losing and sorts herself out you may be able to have a relationship with her again. It sounds like something you need to do though to protect your children and yourself xx