Hi IM's,
Hubby and I are wanting another baby. Our first is almost 2. Hubby is in the defence force and will have to go away for 6 months when bub is 3 months old. My first question how did you cope while hubby was deployed? How did the new baby cope when they came back? how did your first child cope with there daddy being away for so long and how did you explain it to them? And how did you cope with hubby being away/no help and a 2nd child? Hubby is worried that having another baby will be extra stress for me and is worried I won't cope to well.
2 Replies
You can do it! It will definitely be tough but call on those around you for help. With some good preparation and organisation you can get through it. With my kids, they both became very clingy to me while he was gone and took a while when he returned to 'warm up' to him again. Patience was the key! I think it was harder on my husband than us, being away from us and life continuing on as usual while he was away. My husband is about to head off on his 4th deployment in 6 years. He was away for the majority of both our pregnancies and has been away twice since my daughter was born, she is now 3. I never used to ask for help but quickly realised that not living near family, working full time and having 2 kids under 5 I couldn't do it all. I set up a 'daddy' wall where we put photos of daddy and maps to show where he was. Lots of talk before he went about him going away for work and reassuring them that he will be back. LOTS of Skype convos. We made so many post boxes up to send him with the kids art work and things to remind him of home. He sent the kids books and videos of him reading those books that we would put on the tv. Both of them have a special 'daddy' teddy bear that they take everywhere while he is away. Get a cleaner if you can and freeze a heap of meals before he goes. Remember that there are people within the defence community that you can call on for help if you find you aren't coping. Even just to vent or talk to, they understand your situation more than family sometimes. Kids are pretty resilient and pick up on your feelings and emotions. If you are feeling confident and happy then they might as well. You're allowed to have down days and days when it all feels too much. Be kind to yourself and think about it as such a short moment in time. Good luck!
Im also defence & my partner left when bub was 2 months old. Then came back when he was 6 months old. I dont remember bub being affected by it at all luckily. As he got older around 2-3 years i would let him talk on the phone & show him home videos/photos of daddy. But eventually i found my 2 kids adapted to the army & it didnt bother them too much. With coping you kind of just deal with it and count down the days, call or text whenever you can, i would send him lots of photos and i had family come to visit. If you have any army girlfriends or know that their partner is also away, be there for each other have dinner together or just hang out, i found that having girls in the same situation to hang out with helped me cope alot better. Hope this helps you :)