Working Mummas I need your advice!
I recently got offered a job that is too good to turn down. I was actually recommended for the position from an internal employee and they sought me out (i wasnt in the market of looking for a job at the time). Its with a company I have wanted to work for for a long time and the pay is also very good. The job itself is also great and has lots of opportunity...
BUT...
My son is almost 8 months old and I breastfeed still by demand. The thought of leaving him full time right now hurts my heart in so many different places. I am fortunate enough that with my husband's work roster he will have him 3 days one week and 2 days the next and my mother will have him the other days. I know i am so blessed to have such a wonderful supportive situation to find myself in as i know others have it far worse and have no choice to return to work much earlier, but i am filled with dread and anxiety at leaving my boy for 8 hours every day.
I am so conflicted. Do i turn down a massive opportunity to stay with my boy longer? Or will it never get easier to leave them even a year from now? Does it always feel like this?
How can i continue to breastfeed? Is it easy to juggle? Do you have any advice on things you do that make it easier for your working week (aka slow cooker or cleaner?)?
Will i always be number 1 to my son or will spending heaps of time with my mother make her becomes his #1? I know its a silly fear but i take my position as #1 in my sons life with the best thing in my life. It means everything to me to be his comfort and safe place.
I am scared I will miss so many moments that ill never get back with my son. But the place my husband currently works at shuts down in September and he is getting a redundacy so its probably safest that i am working around this time as we do have substantial debt.
If you had a choice, what would you pick?
9 Replies
It doesn't matter when you go back to work, you will still have these fears. And no matter when you go back to work wether that is 8 months or 18years you will miss a lot of your boys moments and firsts. It's just not possible as a parent to be there to experience everything without becoming that hyper vigilant helicopter mum.
Your child will go through loads of phases on who is his favourite. At certain stages it will be you, sometimes it will be grandma sometimes it will be dad and sometimes it will be the postman or the rubbish man! That will happen wether you stay home or work. My nephews favourite person is the window washer currently. My sons favourite person is his grandfather.
There were recent studies that showed (google them) that what counts the most is the quality of time you spend with your child not the quantity.
Honestly I'd take the job. Financially it sounds like a big risk not to. And it's a great opportunity.
Personally I love my robot vacuum and I cook in bulk so for half the week I usually am reheating and making a salad.
It does get easier the older they are. The first year is hard, they really need you and you them. It all depends on when you planned to go back. If youre going back to work in the next six months- year and this is unmissable, take it. If you were planning to stay home for a few years, do that. Another opportunity will come up.
If youre interested but concerned, Can you negotiate Starting in a few months, or working 4 day weeks. Or even 4 day weeks for the first six months then on to 5. My baby started daycare at 10months and shes taken to it like a natural, which has made everything easier and going to work hasnt been hard at all, but i was ready and i don't work full time.
I went back to work when my eldest was 4 months old and then I had 6 months off with my youngest.
Both times I went back to work doing around 25 hours, my youngest was still EBF when I went back to work I lasted till around 9 months and then I mixed fed only because I just didn't have the time to pump constantly and I only had time to pump once at work and it worked well for me.
My babes are now 2 and 3 and at the end of last year I returned to work full time (45+ hours) and I still ache leaving my girls so much but I know it's just what I have to do (single mum)
Some days I want to quit my job and just do the whole SAHM thing and some days I love working full time.
I say take the job. if it doesn't feel right after a few months you can always leave
Take the job opportunity.
Being in a conflicting situation where both options are ideal is not an easy place to be and makes you feel torn in between.
The job sound like a fantastic opportunity as well as being home with your son is very important to you.
Within these conflicting situations are underlying fears. You stated one of these as being you may not continue to be your sons favourite person. Which was covered well in an earlier response which said our children's most favourite person is constantly changing.
I wonder if you have any fear in regards to returning back to the work force? Which is a common fear of mums returning to work after a while.
You may find that addressing these underlying fears often gives us greater clarity in which path to follow in the midst of conflicting choices.
Wishing you happiness in whichever path you choose to follow.
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It sounds as though the job may be a brilliant opportunity. Your mum will never be the #1. I went back to work at 7 months 4 days. And my mum has my son for those days, they now have a very close bond. I still did the afternoon night breast feeds and the other was formula. It never gets any easier leaving them. If you are in a position to afford a cleaner then do it, and I do big cook up every few weeks and freeze lasagne, spag Bol and rissoles sheppards pie etc that I get out for days I work.
I think you said it yourself - "I recently got offered a job that is too good to turn down."
Having said that though, I was in the same boat as you but my bub was 14 months & I made the choice to keep breastfeeding/ delay work. One week later my bub got a cold & stopped breastfeeding by his own choice. ? I didn't see that coming!
It's always going to be hard to start with but it will get much easier as you all get settled into a routine. Goodluck & congratulations on being offered the opportunity!!
Take the fantastic job opportunity. No child has ever been worse off having working parents and you are lucky to have a great support network.
I'd take the job and problem solve any issues as they arrive. I think being number one in our child's life isn't as important as being number one in our spouses life. Our children should have many 'number ones', including their father and other close family and friends.
On the other hand, it sounds like you want to decline the offer. If that's what's in your heart, then you need to do that.