Hi IM's
I don't really know what I'm asking but I'm so very confused with my life. I have two girls, 5 and 3. Engaged to their dad, almost 10 years together, bought a house recently. We've had ups and downs, he's hurt me, I'm sure I've hurt him. I just don't know how I feel about him anymore. Recently he touched me while I was 'sleeping' and therefore couldn't give consent and since, we've been trying to work past it. I have depression and anxiety and I'm in a really low moment right now. If it was easy I would just leave but I don't want a broken home for my girls, I was a child of a broken home and I would go to the end of the earth to avoid it for my babies. Someone recently said to me 'but do you just live like this for the next 20 years?' And I just don't know if I can. Have I fallen out of love with this man? How do I know? Is it me? And my mental health? Have we just grown apart? How do you know when to fight and when to let go? I would have walked out months ago if it was easy but it's not. He says I need to see someone and I know I do but I'm just so tired. I'm too tired to fight for my mental health anymore. It's hard. It's been going on all my life. I have thought about ending it but I don't trust him and his family, anyone really, to raise my kids. I'm staying in this life for my babies. It's such a big weight to carry and I'm so very tired. How do I fix this? For me, for the man who I know loves me, for my girls? I'm sick of feeling like this. What do I do?
4 Replies
If you don't get your mental health sorted you won't get your answers. So I'd start with my GP and go from there.
You say you stay because of your daughters, so don't you think you should get your mental health sorted so you can be happy for your daughters? Sometimes when we can't do it for ourselves we can do it for our babies.
Good luck
Growing up with a suicidal mother is horrendous. I remember walking home from school everyday feeling sick to my stomach that I was going to turn the corner to my house and see an ambulance and police cars out the front. You might even think your hiding your sadness, but I'm sure your girls will eventually pick up on it (if they haven't already). Today, I have severe anxiety because of it & a constant fear my husband or baby are going to die and leave me. Please seek help!! You also deserve to be happy. Lots of hugs your way xx
I think it's this man who is the problem, & staying with him in such an unhealthy & depressing marriage is only going to rob of you of the life you could have & keep you depressed!! Certain ppl just bring out the worst in us, & when it's so hard & draining to keep trying to make it work & keep doubting or trying to change yourself or make excuses for him cos 'it might be you' etc ... then that endless cycle of emotional & mental torture will keep going cos you KNOW you're not happy & you instinctively know that he is not right & this marriage is not what you want.
I am in a similar situation to you and I'm telling you know please please go and see a gp. Tell them how you are feeling. I have been on medication for 12 years and am living with a man who I no longer love. It's so hard to stay in a relationship just for your kids, but sometimes it's the easiest and safest thing to do for the moment. Please see your gp asap.