At what age can a child have a say in what they want to do regarding parenting orders? And what needs to be done to change things?
We have had orders since my son was 2, he is currently 7 and has asked multiple times as to whether he "has" to go to dads on dads wknds.
Im not asking coz i dont want him to see his dad etc, its just a question my son keeps asking and i don't know the answer to.
Please don't be nasty.
5 Replies
I think it's 12! You can however speak to a solicitor and ask them
I think it's 12! You can however speak to a solicitor and ask them
My husband and I recently had court and we asked this question and was told there is no real age it goes on a case by case basis. Although the older they get the more they are likely to listen to the child. We requested a professional to ask my step children 6 and 8 years old what they wanted and they clearly stated they wanted heaps more time with there father so that helped us in getting 50/50 care as well as other things there mother had been doing.
We found that at this age my step-son was mostly interested in who would let him have more computer time. Since my husband and his mother started communicating better about what limits they should agree on, he hasn't winged about coming over or going home early (he's now 9). It might be a good idea to find out if there are other issues - is he just tired? Maybe he needs a sleep-in and later pick-up or drop-off? Maybe there's something he feels he's missing out on? Maybe ask if there's something he wants to take over to dad's or something he's missing while he's there? It's hard but as they get older they do start to see that they have two home and are not just "visiting". I overheard my step-son say that to his sister last weekend, he doesn't say he's going 'home' any more, he's going to "mum's" and has two homes. It was lovely to hear and was definitely a hard road. You'll get there!!
You don't say what time he spends at dad's. The simple answer is, yes, he "has" to go to dad's. Unless there are safety concerns, children need and deserve to have a relationship with both parents. My daughter, while she loves her dad, sometimes struggles being away from me because I am her primary carer and have been since birth (her father and I never lived together). Even though she has been doing regular time every second weekend since she was about 13 months old (by mutual agreement), she went through a stage where she would cry and cling whenever it was time to go to dad's. It passed. I would give her a hug and a kiss and tell her not to be silly, she will have a great time at dad's. And she always did.
When he finally agreed to extended holiday time, she wasn't used to so long away from me and struggled. When she was really struggling and teary, he would bring her in to see me and work and we would have lunch together. Then he would give her the choice to stay with me or go back with him and every time, after seeing me and settling down, she would choose to go and finish her time with him. After a couple tries though, we decided that it was better to do holiday time in smaller blocks, 3 or 4 nights at once then one or two nights back with me, then back to dad's for a few more nights. It takes a lot of work but I really don't believe that just saying "well that's okay, you don't have to go" is the answer as it doesn't get to the root of the problem.
My girl (just turned 11) is now having her first trip away with her dad for awhile, 10 days, and the trip was planned carefully with her input. He would have preferred 2 full weeks, 10 days was my suggestion after discussing it with her and what she felt comfortable with. But I have spoken to her a few times and she is having a great time and doesn't seem to be anxious, and that's a good thing for her.