Does being away from your child ever get easier? My husband and I are separated and while we are trying to make it work I know deep down that my feelings are not going to return. The only thing holding me back is my daughter. I miss her so much when I am away from her and I can't stand the thought of her having another family one day. I am filled with guilt that I have failed her. It breaks my heart to think of all the things I am and will miss out on. Will I really be happier not being with her all the time?
2 Replies
You poor thing!!! Being away from your kids is something that no one wants. Unfortunately this is when it's time to step back, the fact that you feel like you're missing out on some parts of her life need to be pushed down for a bit. You need to put it in a different context to yourself, if your daughter stays with you all the time it is her that is missing out on time with dad. It sucks that there isn't an easy fix for turning your feelings off and just using the time that she is with dad to focus on you and your time.
It does become easier please know that, my son has being going to his dad's now for 12 years and I still miss him when he's not here, but I love that he is spending time with his other family and not missing out on everyone he loves. Don't panic about her having another family, she will only ever have one mum and one dad. The fact that one day she will have four parents is nothing to worry about, you in time will see that as long as everyone gets along and there are routines put in place, your daughter will be happy and that's all that matters.
I think you are kind of over thinking this. Yes it's a big adjustment, but nobody, just nobody gets to experience everything with there child. There are going to be 1000s of things in your child's life some will happen at school, some will happen on play dates, some will happen with you, some will happen at grandmas and some happen with the other parent (even when you are together). There is no way I've experienced everything my son has and it would be unhealthy and weird if I had, and it's just been me and him since he was born 22 years ago!
It's just not possible to be there and experience everything your child does for any parent.
Children always have a life that doesn't involve you, wether it's kindy, childcare, school, or in the back garden while your back is turned. You will still be so excited for your child that they had those experiences when she tells you about them.
You have not failed your child! You are normal and your child will have a fantastic life either way.
I think it sounds like a good time to get some coubselling to help you put this in perspective.