I've been with my partner only a year, at first, the first less then 6 months we were having sex constantly, several times a day, he wanted me so bad, to the point it nearly got annoying, we would do it two-three times a day and he still wanted me, he would tell me it's my fault he wants me so much because I'm so attractive! He just wanted me and I loved it! But now, we barely have sex once a week, he wanks and watches porn nearly everyday, I've spoken to him about it, I've argued with him about it,
I've cried to him about it, I can't remember the last time he really wanted me! The only reason we have sex (I feel like it's the only reason) is because I mention his stupid porn thing and he feels guilty. He literally gets up, wanks in the bathroom, and then wakes me up to have a coffee with him. I feel so fucking unwanted, so unattractive, I'm literally crying about it so much, I don't know what the fuck to do, why doesn't he want me anymore? This is the ONLY problem in our relationship, he helps with everything, supports me in every way, is always nice and appreciative, but won't get his hand off his dick long enough to be with me? I've told him that it makes me feel horrible, that he would prefer to watch people he doesn't even know on his phone screen and be with himself over being with me, he tells me it isn't that, he tells me it's just easier. It's bullshit! He even tells me "all guys do it" I'm sorry, but I've not known. Single man to literally ignore the half naked woman on there bed to sneak off to have a wank! He doesn't fucking want me and it's making me super upset! He lies about it too! He comes up with stupid bullshit stories, like about a month ago, we couldn't have sex and he couldn't wank because his "number" had cuts on it and it had to heal, it healed and then I went out for an hour, came back and he straight up can up with this bullshit story of how it got a cut on it again! I checked his phone history and he had been watching it that last hour!, he didn't know I checked and I asked him when the last time he watched porn and he said oh like over a week ago maybe? I showed him what I found and he said oh, I must of clicked on something at work to show the boys, so i went on the links and said really coz you have to search this site, his like yeah the boys at work blah blah blah,
So I pressed "clear last hour" in his history and it disappeared! He literally believes I believe his bullshit lies. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if he does it, but the fact he does it 10 times more then he is intimate with me
Is causing some real issues. I love him so much, and he never lies to me or hurts me in anyway, other then this! I've tried talking to him, he will get annoyed about this topic, he can't stand talking about it. I don't wanna leave, his honestly a great guy hit this is tearing me apart! He now just deleted his history all together, but I know that means his watching it... I just feel so worthless, I just want him to want me, it's tearing me apart, has this happened to anyone else? What do I do? Will it get better? He never "wants" me like he used to and it's breaking me!
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13 Replies
It won't get better, because he doesn't want to stop doing it! He likes doing it, what ever his stupid thinking is he does actually prefer porn and wanking to you.
You should never settle for that. The price is way to high. You won't get him to understand because his urges are too strong.
I'm sorry it is time to leave if he won't stop/seek psychological help. It doesn't matter how nice or helpful or supportive he is other times because he erases all that everytime.
That literally breaks my heart, I don't think I can bring myself to leave, before him I was in DV and my kids love this man also. I love him. I'm such a mess right now,
I'm sick of failing my kids
It's actually better for your kids if you leave. Your mental health is suffering, your self esteem is suffering, this stuff just sends you insane. How is that good for your kids?
Your kids need a happy, healthy mummy, who models happy healthy relationships, a mum who is not afraid to go it alone for her own well being.
Nobody will live those kids more than you and your kids need you strong and healthy, staying will not keep you strong and healthy.
Has he been checked for stis/STDS, thrush or dermatitis on his penis? ? The cracks he mentioned can be very painful. I've had them on my vagina and I can still masturbate but cannot have sex. Too painful. Maybe he really does have some issues down there that he's just too embarrassed to go get checked out. He could have something as simple as thrush which is easy to treat, but causes very ouchy problems for men if it isn't treated.
Yes, the cuts are from the constantly dry wanking, he does it often, I had thrush a few months ago and got him treated also. His been to a doctor about it
He has a porn addiction, plan and simple. You either A put up with it or B don't settle for less and leave. This would be a massive deal breaker for me. What normal male would prefer to wank then have sex?
As upset as i would feel and as hard as it could be i don't think you should give up yet just over this. If it hasn't been going on for a year or so. There have been times that i haven't been as attracted to my then partner or ive just been feeling its easier to just masturbate quickly within a few minutes than try to achieve orgasm with him and use so much energy. He could be hiding something embarrassing.
He did want you, he wanted you a lot. You said it bugged you. I've read what you've written. I get what your saying. He knew you were bugged by the amount of sex he wanted and probably didn't want to face rejection anymore. So he found an alternative way to relieve himself and it was easier. He can wham bam thankyou ma'am and it's over and done with and he doesn't bug you with his needs. Now he does it constantly because he realised he doesn't have to work on them ie you. To get him off. And he's realising how easy it is to have a few minutes of tugging rather than half an hour of foreplay. He likes the idea that he doesn't have to do any work any more. I understand you're upset but you need to look at it from his point of view also.
You could always start working on yourself when he's sitting right there next to you. And if he complains tell him to either join in or tell him how he's feeling right now is how you feel all the time. My OH and I only see each other weekends and have done for the last year and a few months. We have sex between 5-8 times in a weekend. It doesn't bug me at all how much he wants it. In saying that if he had a wank instead of giving it to me I'd be pissed. But I've never given him a reason to seek an alternative way to pleasure himself. You two need to go to couples counselling and possibly individual sessions to work out these issues!
He's breaking you. This is not what you want. What you want is a dream of how he'd be once you've changed him. But he's not that and he's not going to be. What you see is what you've got. You don't want this. You don't want to settle for this. You don't want to go through this again. You don't want to model this for your kids. Keep going mama. And you'll get there. You have to kiss a few frogs. But god once you know, move on, dont spend the rest of your life in the swamp hoping hes your prince. He's not.
I absolutely agree with the above comment. Seriously, you've only been together for a year, he isn't the father of your kids, he isn't the one. If you had had ten great years and this was something new, I would say counselling etc but it's only been a year, cut him loose. The fact you had sex three times a day makes me think he tried to substitute his porn addiction with you, like addicts that quick drugs then go for the bottle. Addiction treatment is a long hard miserable process, I wouldn't bother with a person who I had 6 good months with.
Agree i dont think its new at all, he just had a new plaything/distraction until he was too much for you too and hes gone back to it
I reckon you are with my ex. I apologise for releasing him into this world because he made me feel exactly the same way
Well it's probably not, but if you get my point I've been through it - for me 9 years was just too much. I was broken by the end.
I'm so sorry you are going through it too, they are just men with high tostesterone levels and it's easier for them to do it themselves cos it's less effort to climax.
I hope you can reason with him and make him understand how it makes you feel. Maybe then he will try 'hold out' so it's better with you
Please google these topics and read - your brain on porn, and -nofap forums. Lots of men with these issues, and the forum has women affected by it speaking out.