Hey Mummy's.. i wrote some time ago saying i was in an abusive relationship and then i left. Im still gone.. im now married and my wonderful amazing husband and i have a daughter together. My husband is an amazing father to our daughter and my son from my previous relationship..
My problem.... my ex.
He is out right making lies, trying to say my husband didnt know that i wasnt on the pill etc. My husband did know and we were engaged around the same time we found out we were pregnant.
The ex and i cant talk. It always ends up with him saying i left.
He is repartnerd and has 3 stepchildren. When i try and talk to him about visitation for our son with me saying our plan needs to work not only for our son but also his work my husbands work his step children and my daughter and our new partners etc.
I really dont know where im going with this. I guess i need to know it will get better.... someday.. at the moment anytime my ex pulls a stunt it hurts not only myself and my son.. but now my husband and soon my daughter (4months).
He has already wasted so much time fighting me when ive offered him everything i can except 50/50 because of distance and my sons age.
Im at a loss yet again.. im sick of fighting.. i just want to leave it all in the past and move on with my life..
2 Replies
Do it ALL through mediation do not discuss anything in person. Use formal channels. You can't communicate and negotiate with your abuser directly. They are incapable of negotiating with you.
Then do it... Leave it all behind... Stop arguing with him... When HE calls, tell him you'll speak about your son, anything not important to the conversation will be ignored, and then DO it... Don't call him, let him initiate it... He still wants control over you, and he still has it... Once he realises you're not playing his games anymore, he'll give up... I used to get phone calls every night to find out who I'd slept with that day... It wasn't until I told him I'd been busy as I'd done every guy in the street that he stopped... He told me to stop being ridiculous, and I told him to stop asking ridiculous questions... I then told him any further communication would be entirely about our son, or I would simply hang up on him, and I did... You need to take back the control of your life... You left him behind for a reason, don't let him be an issue now... I know it's hard, I know it sounds silly, but you can't let him run your new life... Ignore the rumours he's starting, they're not important... He will push back, and hard, but once he sees your on solid ground, he's got nothing left...