Hi, so I dated my partner for 2 years before we moved in together, I did the right thing and notified centrelink which of course meant I swapped from single parenting payment to the partnered parenting payment. The reduction in funds is huge (from $550/wk to $180/wk) and I'm having trouble adjusting to the loss of income. I understand it's because we are a family and his money is supposed to be my money or whatever but before now everything we did or shared was halved equally and I was happy with that, particularly after coming from an emotionally and financially abusive marriage. We're very lucky that we live with my parents so our rent and utilities are low, however my partner only works part time. I knew it would change but it's hit me hard.
I think what I'm getting at is, how have other ladies coped with the loss of income and independence? What I get now isn't enough to cover my own basic expenses, and I feel awful asking him for help or for something for my daughter, judging him for buying beer for himself when I can't be frivolous anymore and indulge myself. Do you share a bank account? I didn't really want to do that again. How do you organise finances now?
NOTE: I'm giving birth to our first child (my second) in July so please no judgey comments about getting a job myself, I wish I could at the moment, I certainly plan to after bub is born.
9 Replies
i was going to suggest getti a job. Having him around should make you more free, not more burdened. Can he up his shifts to full time? He has a family to support and hes getting low rent i think you have every right for judging him gor buying beer. Youre pregnant and he should be supporting you. If hes not making enough to do that he shouldnt be buying beer.
Unfortunately its not easy to keep separate finances when you are working together raising children - someone has to carry them and stay home with them at least for awhile, thats why youre a team and you should not feel bad asking him to help you - youre growing his baby!
Honestly he needs to step up. I understand wanting to be independent but part of being a family (which he has chosen to be) is making sure everyone in that family is being taken care of.
The baby that you are growing is his, if he wasn't prepared to financially support a family he shouldn't have moved in with one.
That means joint finances to some degree, joint budgets that take into account the entire family.
This goes both ways. If he was out of work tomorrow and you had a job you would be expected to financially support him.
Sorry I'm not going to be much help. But I do have a question. I'll be going through this next year. Do you still get fam tax a and b or just parenting payment partnered. I don't know how we're going to cope if I loose more than half of what I get weekly.
It will depend on how much you both earn.
My advice is don't move in until you have hashed out all the details. Do a budget in detail together.
If he doesn't understand the financial responsibility don't move in.
He does understand the financial responsibility but that's not our problem. We will be attempting IVF next year (at his cost) but won't be moving in together until his parents have moved out of the family farm or until we find ourselves a transportable home to put onto the family farm. Do I not have to declare that we are in a relationship until we move in together and start sharing finances? We currently pay all our own bills separately. We also only see each other weekends and go between both residences. His families town house and my rental. No I cannot move into the family townhouse as that doesn't belong to him and his family still have to be able to use it.
if it's only weekends you are safe. It's 3 or more nights a week you have to declare. Right now it sounds like you are safe.
The fairest way for family finances where one has considerably less income is to pool monies and pay ALL family expenses from it. Then if there's something left over you split it, if there's nothing left over but you're getting by it is what it is, if it's not covering family necessities then income needs to go up or costs need to go down.
We have been there. Is was a tough adjustment. You will get a bit more when you have your second baby but we do it like this:
Partner pays for all bills
I pay for groceries and extras.
My partner is only on 50k a year and we get family tax benefit A and B and some energy suppliment. And its based on our annual income....I don't know what your partner earns but you might be entitled to more than your getting.
Obviously 180 per week isnt going to cover the groceries and extras so thats where your partner has to help cover that too. Dont have to do joint bank accounts, just have to cover all necessities between you first and then share whats left over or non essential things.
Id be telling him to get a full time job and u guys need to act like a family meaning joint accounts and all. Got to grow up sometime. Kids come first