Hi ladies,
Please only supportive comments
I've been with my husband for 11 years and we have a few kids together. I was very young when we got together and ever since then I've had a horrible time with his family. They've been horrible to me from pretty much day one. I'm not saying I'm perfect and there is things I look back and think why did I do that and why did I say that but I was a teenager so I try to give myself some sort of acceptance of that behaviour but I do take responsibility for it as well. They were all a lot older though with a lot more life experience.
It's hard to explain but to this day I have heaps of anxiety and feel really uncomfortable around them all. My husband is very supportive in the past few years where as in the beginning he never dealt with it. I know it's hard because it's his fsmily and I never asked for him to do anything. He is his own man and in every aspect of his life. He really decides for himself on what he thinks and does.
Recently his close relative basically degraded me in a day long abusive text message to my husband as they were fighting. Telling him that no one likes me and everyone was too scared to tell him and everything - really nasty stuff.
My husband told them all to get stuffed basically and not to talk to him unless it's about the kids.
Months after his brother texted him trying to resolve the issue but still thinks he's innocent and I'm the nasty person.
For me to tell you what they've done to me including getting rid of my cat when I was a teenager (dumping it) and lying saying it ran away - this question would go on forever
I've tried to forget the past and focus on the present and tried to be civil with them all. Did I mention trying to be civil with them all is very hard work? You do something sincere and nice and it's still not good enough or they take it the wrong way.
I have also deleted them all from my life and social media so I can focus on me and my own family. Part of me thinks hmm maybe I should forgive and just move on but then I'll still feel absolute crap around them and wonder what they are saying about me.
Then I think maybe it's too far gone, the damage. I just have no respect , trust or any time for most of them. It's hard for the kids and my husband I know that but for my own sanity and poor head. I feel like I've been in an emotional abusivd relationship with them all and that's why I'm like this now. They gave me all this anxiety problems, flashbacks of the past , over thinking, worrying and whatever else. I know it's my own doing to stop it, and I feel so much better not seeing or hearing from them
I guess what I'm trying to ask is what would you do? How do I tackle this?
4 Replies
I would stay well away from them. Your husband can have a relationship with them (if he chooses) he can go visit or what ever but I'd be having no part of it.
Your husband has shut them out and is focusing on his own little family he has created with you - you should do the same. Just because its a relation doesn't mean you have to like them or get along, especially if its hard work. Lots of love. Focus on you and your family, and surround yourself with good people <3
I also have the shittiest in laws. My husband was always treated like shit, then when I came along and woke him up to it, they didn't like me. They even asked him before we were married if he was going to call off the wedding! Anyway, long story short I involve them in my life as little as possible. I will never ever be friends with them on social media. If we are visiting them, I am polite and I say hi and then I speak when spoken to. I put in the minimal amount of effort possible and it works for me. This minimises the role they play in my life while hubby and our children are not impacted by my desire to have nothing to do with them! I have no self esteem issues though and I am not one to seek acceptance so it really doesn't bother me that they don't like me. I don't feel the need to do nice things to get them on side because quite frankly, as long as I'm not being rude or disrespectful, I do not owe them one ounce of effort or niceness! I do not need them and I don't seek out their help, acceptance, approval or involvement in my life!
My SIL bitches about me no end. But I've never done anything to her. I choose to pity her instead of being offended by her. She's incredibly insecure and has major issues. I'm married to her only brother - so I think she was even slightly, weirdly possessive as he used to be her beck and call boy before he had a family with me. I'd do the same if I were you. Pity them. They can't feel good or happy b itching about you, talking about you behind your back or being nasty to you. It just doesn't feel good to be like that. It also doesn't feel good to hold grudges. So for your own emotional well being, distance yourself, always be kind and nice when you see them, regardless of how they are to you or what you think they've said about you. YOU will feel better rising above it all and not getting sucked into their hate. Live for you and accept you will see them sometimes but you don't have to meet them at their level. I'm nice as pie to my SIL...but I know she's not a fan of me. I just don't care. :) In 12 years I barely know her because of who she is as a human being.