My brother is married with a toddler and newborn the bank is about to foreclose on their house as they are $3500 in arrears. This has happened at least twice before and they borrowed money from my parents. My brother works six days a week but is in sales so it's commission based. My husband and I are relatively well off so we have helped by buying nappies, clothes, food, medicine babysitting etc but my husband is reluctant to lend such a large sum as we are building a house ourselves, have our own young family and we also don't understand how it keeps happening. It's hard not to worry. Should we lend him the money?
9 Replies
No, it's time for your brother to stop accepting bandaid help. It won't solve the problem long term just delay them loosing the house a little bit longer.
They can't afford the house. It was time to put it on the market when they first had to borrow money off of your parents.
If you can afford to lose it then yes.
It's a hard one with family.
I think there's a few things you should look at
- banks don't foreclose for $3500
- if it's happened twice before, what is your brother doing to try and fix this?
I understand people get into bad situations but perhaps it's time your brother finds a new job and do everything he can to be responsible for his family
I would consider lending it but with conditions, if I could see he was really trying hard to get a new job or find a way to be support his family
Is he genuinely very grateful to pagents and made any effort to repay the previous loans?
Are they seeing a financial counselor to try and work out why they can't cover costs and what they need to change so they can?
Can he normally cover debts and just having a bad time at the moment or has this been an ongoing thing for years?
I'd want to see proof ie paperwork from the bank because as I said I don't believe a bank forcloses for $3500.
I have seen the letter from the bank I think because it has happened several times over the past year the bank is losing patience. He has to meet a monthly target but couldn't as he took time off work to support my sister in law as they have a newborn with severe reflux, so now he is behind. I'm not sure what happened the other times but he has had problems with depression and had to take time off. Thanks for your advice some good ideas
As a Mum who had two babies with chronic reflux, that were absolute nightmares and have no family help... there is no way we could ever have afforded for my husband to take time off - other than the two weeks of his annual leave he had off. I think regardless of the kindness of his gesture, if they couldn't afford to do it, he should have gone to work. I think even if you help them out now, it's going to happen again. We've had times of very low income but our bills are always paid first. What would be more beneficial for them, would be if he'll let you sit down with him and work out a budget, and perhaps that's the stipulation for lending them the money. Paying all bills weekly is a great way to control your money. So electricty, rates, water, insurance, phone, net etc etc. Divide their average into weekly amounts and get him to set up a system where he pays that amount weekly. Maybe even help them go over all their bills to see if they can get a better deal. Are they overinsured? Do they have foxtel/gym memberships/big phone plans? Do they have personal loans on top of their mortgage, that perhaps the bank would allow them to consolidate if they come up with the 3.5k. That will make weekly repayments less. But if they're already behind and they don't have a tonne of equity, they may say no to that. Make sure he has his mortgage payment to come out the day (or day after) he gets paid, so they can instantly pay their other weekly bills and they know exactly how much they have left for groceries etc. No luxuries at this point. We went years without them. I don't know what kind of relationship you have, or if you stepping in to help with his finances would make him angry, but they certainly sound like people who can't run a household budget effectively. I guarantee, if he's already borrowed off your parents to get him out of this hell... it will happen again.
Alternatively, they could sell their house, rent for a for years until your SIL is working again and then buy a home when they have more funds. That honestly might be the wisest choice.
Couldn't agree more
Thank you that was a very helpful comment, I believe they aren't doing much to prevent it happening - more a head in the sand approach unfortunately
IMO - Give to family, but don't lend to them. Giving means not expecting it back. There's more to this, offer an ear and see if you can't help them sort out their finances big picture and get them back on track. Selling and downsizing might be the best strategy... Good luck
I have a brother with terrible budgeting skills and low income. I find it so hard not to bail him out so I sympathise. Has he paid your parents back? If so I would do it. If not then no. Although your husband should have equal say