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Re: new girlfriend being around my kids
So, I'll try keep this short...
My X and I had an agreement since splitting that we weren't to bring in new partners around the kids, until the other parent has met them first, and the parent bringing in this person knew they would be a long term person, not just a fling..
So my 5yr old son has informed me that daddy had a friend with them, a lady..
I confronted my X later that night away from my kids and told him that from now on I would be there when he wants to see the kids, that way if she does visit again, I could be there to meet this new woman who is around my children.. He told me to f*** off as he was getting ready for a date!
I have been so lenient with him, in regards to not making him pay child support because I know the financial situation he's in, but he was to help out with things like schools shoes for my son & child care fees every now and again for my daughter, every time I would bring this up that I needed help with these things, he would get angry and cause a fight.. To which I would mention that if I was receiving child support from him I wouldn't need to be bugging him for things.. To which he threatens me with 50/50 custody!
Not even sure how serious he is about doing this, but it pushed me enough to seek legal aid, they said I should ignore all threats and continue with the set up we had, as my son has been thriving in school and they have a secure home life with me.
This was before he broke my trust completely by allowing his girlfriend around my kids...
So aside from calling child support & setting that up, what would you do ?
I'm trying to think of what's best for my kids, after what he's done its them who will ultimately suffer! I'm hurting and angry!
5 Replies
Let go of the girlfriend thing. It's not enforceable. You are not going to be able to meet every man/woman that comes into your child's life. Yeah I get where you are coming from but from a legal stand point....
But yes do the proper child support.
You're going to just sound like a jealous ex if you try to enforce this. You realise that right? You broke up. He's going to date other people and because he's the parent too he makes the decisions when the child is in his care.
Yes do the maintenance thing through CSA. That way he can't get out of paying.
Is you ex partner an adult? I'm sure he can make a decision about who is or isn't in his sons life when he is in your ex's care. To me it just sounds like a control thing, who he dates is none of your business. Let it go and move on with your life.
Oh and start claiming child support through the child support agency.. If he can afford to go on dates he can afford child support.
You are going to be hurt and angry, that's natural, but you need to find a way to work that anger off and find something that you can do just for YOU when you are kid-free. As everyone else has said - you can't enforce the girlfriend thing, you don't have any legal rights to "meet-and-greet" or dictate who he can see or have around when the kids are with him or demand to supervise him and his friends. When he's got the kids, they are his responsibility and he can make all the decisions as a parent. Definitely go through the Child Support Agency and have them handle the child support side of things and then just get on with your life.
As much as we wish we could control who our exs bring into our children's lives, unfortunately we can't. You'll have to let the girlfriend thing go though. Your ex can see who he likes and you can't enforce the meeting the new partner. Its bit too much in my opinion and if my ex would have demanded he meet my new partner before my son was allowed i would of told him to get stuffed too. If hes only introducing the girlfriend as 'daddy's new friend' there is no harm done because as far as a child can tell boys and girls can be friends.
As for the child support issue your better off doing it properly and putting the money aside for when you need the help, that way there is no arguments when you need help.
It annoys me immensely when the other parent thinks they cant "afford" the financial responsibility of their child and think its a choice because they don't live with their child. Threatening 50/50 just to get out of child support is ridiculous because he does realise he'd have to financially provide for the kids when they are in his care? *face palm*.